Sameer and Reena dated for the rest of the year. Lucky me, I got to be the third wheel, audience to their budding romance. As the year went on, I found myself falling deeper and deeper in love with my best friend's boyfriend. My hands acted often of their own accord, finding some petty excuse to touch him; I lived for those moments. Though in the end, mournful sighs, stolen glances and a heart full of black rain were all I took home at night. Every day was a challenge to keep my secret hidden behind glass walls. Each excruciating night I lived in a fantasy world where my lips knew Sameer's often and well. I felt as though every beat of my traitorous heart was a betrayal of our friendship. Years before, Reena and I had solemnly vowed to never to let a man come between us. What was I doing?
***
After a graduation filled with such sweet sorrows, Reena and I went to post graduate institutes, not together thank God, but institutes nonetheless. Separated by miles and the cost of a phone call, we talked together every day over our newfound toy, the Internet. Like the leaves on the trees only a year before, Reena slowly transformed before my eyes. Each day she spoke less and less of her upcoming marriage to my love and more of the new flame in her life, Dhruv. I had the privilege of carrying her stolen kisses with me in my soul. In any other situation the right path would have been clear. I would have told Sameer. But if I told him, how could I know if it was for his best interests or mine? My heart, torn between the loyalty to a friend and the honor of my being, ripped my soul to shreds.
Finally it came time for us to return home for the holidays. Diwali was on its way. Familiar music and festivities was apparent all around, even in the airports, as strangers smiled and rushed home to their roots. It should have been a joyous occasion, but my preoccupation with the gravity of her betrayal and mine pulled me into a spiraling inferno. By some magical twist of fate I got back into Calcutta before she did. I was dreadfully looking forward to spending some time alone with Sameer. Without Reena, maybe he would finally see the intensity of my feelings for him. But what if he could see through the lies I carried for her.
It was a crisp winter night when Sammer picked me up for an innocent drive. His words told me he just wanted to say, "hi," but I knew he wanted answers to questions I didn't want to think about. The prayers I sent to heaven that night were chaotic ramblings not easily sorted by the divine. I badly needed to set the record straight, but I was so terrified that he would ask me. How did I get myself into this situation? "Tell me the truth, you know Reena better than most. Has she been cheating on me?" The words I had feared echoed through the darkness. Now there was no hiding from the decision I had been tiptoeing around. "Sameer, you know she wouldn't do that. Don't be silly." My words flew before I could even consider the consequences. Inside I was screaming, "yes! She is cheating on you. Look at me; Look into my eyes. I love you!!"
Almost as if he had heard me he turned and looked into my eyes peering straight into my soul. "I thought you might say that." Sameer shook his head, and for the first time I saw sadness in his usually jovial eyes. His hand lightly grazed across my knee as he reached for the glovebox. My body was on fire and my head whirling. Sameer placed a pile of letters in my lap. "Read these." The pages contained words written for his eyes only, and yet there I was greedily absorbing every word. With each passing syllable, I saw how she had dishonored me and lied to me every step of the way. There had been no aspect of our friendship that hadn't been soiled by her duplicity. My heart exploded, now I would be justified in telling Sameer the truth. There was nothing sacred about Reena; the knife she used was dull, rusty and sticking out of my back. So then why did I still feel bound to her?
"His name is Dhruv, isn't it?"
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