Sunday, September 20, 2009


Now that I'm finally said yes to matrimony, many of my friends and well wishers keep asking me what makes my fiance "MR RIGHT" for me.

Now lets see how it all happened:

As it happens in an arranged marriage scenario in India, I too went through the grind of meeting prospective guys (the potential husband material), his parents and all. and each time I was left exhausted and pained. It was just that I kept meeting nerds and bigger nerds and the biggest nerds. one of them even when to the extent of asking me whether I could make round chappatis (trust me I ran for my life after hearing that). every meeting would leave me drained and I had actually started wondering whether my "MR RIGHT" exists at all or not.

I met my fiance through some common friends. When I was first told bout him, i knew one thing even before I spoke to him was that this time I was going to handle this my way. It gets way too traumatic when parents get involved and things dont work out eventually.

The first day we spoke, we mutually decided not to broach the subject of matrimony (even though both of us started talking because we were looking to get "settled" in life) and just be friends. No parent involvement, no social pressure and no goadinf from each other also to push ourselves into this relationship. We spoke, spoke at lenght. we met once, twice, thrice. And we just clicked. I realized this first and I did not hesitate in taking the first step towards him. Because I believe that there is no harm in pursuing someone when you know he's good and he could be the one with whom you could spend your life with.I was beginning to look forward to talk to him and was actually beginning to like him. It dawned me that we were truly in sync with each other - common goals, interests and personal beliefs. We just let ourselves be our own person and just let it flow. Our discussions became lenghtier as we delved more into each others lives. His honesty and stead fastness made me very attracted towards him. HIs live and let live attitude made me completely believe that he is the one for me.

So was it just these these things which convinced me about him??? No. There's more. He was interested in listening to me, wanted to know more about my dreams, my aspirations rather than my culinary skills. He was such a refreshing change. I knew it that he is the man who will let me be myself, not curb me and my desires, who will respect me for what I am and not make me change for him. He will respect my need to be an individual in my own right rather than be just known as his wife.

And when someone good looking comes with all these amazing qualities, he's got to be your

"MR RIGHT". I have found him when I was least expecting to find him. I got lucky.

So have you met your "MR/MS RIGHT" as yet???
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Tuesday, September 15, 2009


NOTE: Please dont read further if you are easily offended.

I recently met a woman - once a bright beautiful girl and that day she seemed a ghost to me, almost corpse, a dead pan expression on her face. She looked like as if the desire to live had been sapped out of her. Now what set my mind ticking was, how did a spunky, full-of-life, smart girl turn into this withdrawn , dark, listless woman. On asking around, I came to know that she is a victim of marital rape.

From that day onwards my mind is in a turmoil. i'm disturbed and distressed at the way things have not changed for us women. with all our education and financial independence, our state still remains the same.

Marital rape is not uncommon in India. Infact I presume its quite prevalent not only in the rural setting but also in our urban middle class and elite society as well. What I really dont understand is how does a marriage give a licence to the man to treat his woman like a chattel? Is marriage only about sex? What about friendship, love, respect?? Where do they stand in the texture of this entire thing called marriage? Why do men think its their right to trample over a woman just beacause she's his wife? What kind of a man forces himself on his wife when she does not want it? Is she not entitled to her wishes, moods and emotions? Its her body that you're playing with!!!!Do men even realize what kind of mental trauma a woman goes through when forced upon this manner??

I have read it a lot of time and even heard men gloating "Its my right and your duty to give it to me when i want it". RIGHT is it?? Who gives them this right to force themselves on their wives against their wishes. Its mostly our society who gives them this so called "right". Our men have been brought up in this manner where they give two hoots to the wishes of their women. DUTY is it?? If its the woman's duty to give him the pleasure is it not his duty to give her the respect she deserves?? Again its the texture of our society which gives the man this unprecedented freedom to abuse his woman.

Why cant a woman say no when she doesnt want to have sex with her husband? If that is the point then the husband should also not refuse her when she wants it. If "headache", "my cycle is goin on" are considered excuses according to him, then "i'm tired", "pressure at office" are also equal excuses according to us women? And why is that "no" not taken in the right spirit? Why is that men find it humiliating and demeaning when refused sex? Why does a 'no' entail rape and physical abuse? Why are women branded as 'sluts' and 'whores' when they make the first move and told that a woman should not behave in this manner?? Why??? Is a man's body needs different from a woman's body needs??

So why is marital rape still happening?? Why are women still forced upon?? Why are women physivally and mentally abused when they say no?? Why are women still treated as second class citizens in the society?? And why are we, women, letting our men get away with all this??
When will we get the respect that we deserve both at home and outside??


Marital rape is a punishable offence under the Indian penal code. Women can complain if they subjected to this violent act by their husbands. But how many of the victims come forward todo that? Most of them never come to light and I believe in many cases the police refuses to lodge the complaint siding withe man saying its their internal matter. In such a scenario the woman has to put her foot down and say no. thats the first step. SAY NO. DONT LET YOURSELF BE TRAMPLED LIKE THIS. Rest will follow. When we get the courage to say no and keep it that way the battle will become easier. But FIRST SAY NO. THE FIRST STEP WILL MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE.

P. S.

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Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Thats what my fiance told me after we got engaged:

I'M THERE........"

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Monday, September 7, 2009


It is Sunday. Not yet dawn. A few streaks of a promising day etch through
the darkness of the endless night. A night that sends him into thoughts
of her. He tries to escape the lingering memory but no matter. Her
presence is etched into the very fabric of his being. From the way she
drinks her coffee, to the pictures on the wall. It's been a month since
he's seen her and it's like no time at all. She lives in his heart always

"Is this madness I feel?", he asks himself as he looks in the mirror,
then laughs at his own reflection. Touching his face, it is like he is
looking at himself from outside his own body. "Am I here?", he thinks
to himself, shakes his head and heads over to the kitchen, pouring
himself a cup of coffee. Taking a deep sip, closing his eyes, trying to
get some sensibility back. "There is no rhyme nor reason, I simply love her.",
he concludes to no one at all, just whoever is listening somewhere out

For the past month, he has a ritual he does each day, getting up early
and meditating, pondering the same thought over and over. Mostly going
over the last conversation he had with her. He likes to tease her as
she is sensitive. She didn't understand the joke and pulled away. The
past month, he gave her the space. The space is silent,like the desert,
full of regret and the whats ifs of his yesterday. Why did he have to
tease her so? Doesn't she know he was joking? He wants desperately to
drive over to her house and knock on her door, pride stops him. The
thought of this mind game she is playing tortures his heart. He loves
her, doesn't she see this?

He prepares himself for his daily walk to the park, bringing his journal
with him and hope that the change of scenery will fill his heart with

It is early morning as he walks out of his house and the sun peeks out
bringing the promise of a new day. A bright beginning for
possibilities. The streets are still and quiet as he walks the half
mile to the park, yet today, he decides to stop by the cafe for a
while, to just read the newspaper and just listen to the chatter of
regular people going about their day. As he enters the cafe the smell of coffee filters through the room. It is a comforting smell and the warmth of the cafe draws him

"Hey, nice day, isn't it? Want a booth or a seat at the counter?", the
waitress asks.

"A counter seat is fine.", he shuffles over to the counter and sits.

"Just a coffee."

"Nice day, isn't it?", she says as she pours his coffee.

"Yep. I stop here before I go to the park."

"Cool, nice day to sit and watch the world go by. Just don't get lost in
that world!", she says jokingly. "Want a newspaper to read? I'll go get

"Sure, that'll be great."

She gets the newspaper and hands it to him. He opens up to the comics
immediately to read what Archie is doing today. He likes Archie, always has. Yeah, if he was him, he wouldn't be sitting in this
cafe alone. Archie would find a way to get her back! He smiles at the

He sits for several minutes sipping his coffee and just reading the

Paying for his coffee, he exits the diner. "Thanks, have a nice day",
the waitress says kindly.

He exits the diner and crosses half a street, when suddenly a car barely
misses him. The driver beeping the horn, shouts out the window. "Watch
where your going, mister!" He looks into the windshield of that car and
it is her!

"Sadhna! Gosh, I thught I'd drop in but I never dreamed it would be like

"Oh, my God!! Prateek!! I almost hit you with my car! Are you alright? Let
me pull over."

She pulls her car over to the sidewalk and stops. She is shaken as Prateek
walks over to the window. "Open your window please, Sadhna."

"Prateek, I'm shaking, I'm so sorry, but you have to watch crossing the
street! Is something the matter ?"

"Sadhna, how come you are avoiding me? It's been a month since we last spoke. I
care about you, don't you know that? I was just joking around with my
note that day. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"I know Prateek. It's not you. I've been having some personal problems and I
wanted to handle them myself. I just needed some "me" time. Prateek did you think I
was mad at you? I am not. I love you darling. Forgive my silence. Why don't
you get in the car, we can drive to the park and just be together.

"That's so ironic, Sadhna, I was heading for the park to think about

"Well, now you can think about me, while I am here and not keep me under
your hat. I am flesh and blood and I am here to listen to you Prateek.
Just know that this happen for a reason. We are both too proud to open
up, so fate steps in and opens the door for us. "

"Yes, Sadhna, our silly pride makes us put love under a hat."

"That's a good one, love under a hat! Sounds like Cat in the Hat".

"I'm just thinking how long it would have been before one of us would have decided to break the silence? Or what if we just decided to remain silent? Then what?"

"Yes, silence is silly, isn't it, when words can heal your heart."

This could be your story and mine too and anybodys and many times it has happened that we have decided not to speak about our feelings, our thoughts and just go about doing our thing hoping silence would make things better???? I have done it many times but now I know its not the right thing to do....sometimes silence creates deep cracks which are very hard to mend....So today if you have been silent about anything, go speak your mind...dont bottle up inside...words are more healing than silence......

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