THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR

Here is a list of things I am thankful for :

Happiness

I haven't had a lot of happiness in my life. I first had to learn to like
myself once again. For a long time I did not like myself very much
because the people around me were always making me feel like nothing. I
know I am something. I can look in the mirror today and like myself
again. To me that is a success.

Friends

I try to be a good friend. Sometimes people think that I am too caring
or too nice. I like to listen and if someone needs help, I am usually
there.

My Job

I like my job. I love dentistry. I'm proud to be a doctor. I like the fact that I'm able to bring a smile on a patient's face when I relieve him/her from the pain. Some people might think my job is boring but when I see a patient's face light up when I do a good treatment. That to me
is a triumph!

Money

I don't worship money. I know I need it to pay my bills but other than
that I do not look down on people without it. I think people put too
much emphasis on status and wealth, that makes the rest of us suffer in
ways like if your clothes are not designer label sometimes you get put
down. So what I shop Westside and Shopper's Stop sometimes, I am
glad I have clothes on my back! Even socks!

In the grand scheme of things, who the hell cares where I buy my pants!

Caring

I care about people. I see so many people rushing around being rude.
Pushing and shoving to get stuff. That is rude. I don't understand
rudeness and somehow it is almost a sign of being cool in this society.
What a world it would be if we all were kind to each other.

Its not a weakness to be kind. Its a strength. It is easy to be rude.
Very.

Love

Love is beautiful and I think falling in love is a precious gift from
Heaven. I'm glad to have him in my life.

Life

Enjoy each day like a gift and treat others as you would want to be
treated.

P.S. Dear all, this is my last post on the blog for some time now. I'm getting married this month. Pease wish me all the luck. I need it. thank you so much for reading my blog and leaving your comments. its been a lovely association and I hope to return back to blogging as soon as my new life permits me.







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JIYO BEFIKAR

Thats what my fiance told me after we got engaged:

"JIYO BEFIKAR
I'M THERE........"






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WORDS CAN HEAL

It is Sunday. Not yet dawn. A few streaks of a promising day etch through
the darkness of the endless night. A night that sends him into thoughts
of her. He tries to escape the lingering memory but no matter. Her
presence is etched into the very fabric of his being. From the way she
drinks her coffee, to the pictures on the wall. It's been a month since
he's seen her and it's like no time at all. She lives in his heart always

"Is this madness I feel?", he asks himself as he looks in the mirror,
then laughs at his own reflection. Touching his face, it is like he is
looking at himself from outside his own body. "Am I here?", he thinks
to himself, shakes his head and heads over to the kitchen, pouring
himself a cup of coffee. Taking a deep sip, closing his eyes, trying to
get some sensibility back. "There is no rhyme nor reason, I simply love her.",
he concludes to no one at all, just whoever is listening somewhere out
there.

For the past month, he has a ritual he does each day, getting up early
and meditating, pondering the same thought over and over. Mostly going
over the last conversation he had with her. He likes to tease her as
she is sensitive. She didn't understand the joke and pulled away. The
past month, he gave her the space. The space is silent,like the desert,
full of regret and the whats ifs of his yesterday. Why did he have to
tease her so? Doesn't she know he was joking? He wants desperately to
drive over to her house and knock on her door, pride stops him. The
thought of this mind game she is playing tortures his heart. He loves
her, doesn't she see this?

He prepares himself for his daily walk to the park, bringing his journal
with him and hope that the change of scenery will fill his heart with
answers.

It is early morning as he walks out of his house and the sun peeks out
bringing the promise of a new day. A bright beginning for
possibilities. The streets are still and quiet as he walks the half
mile to the park, yet today, he decides to stop by the cafe for a
while, to just read the newspaper and just listen to the chatter of
regular people going about their day. As he enters the cafe the smell of coffee filters through the room. It is a comforting smell and the warmth of the cafe draws him
inside.

"Hey, nice day, isn't it? Want a booth or a seat at the counter?", the
waitress asks.

"A counter seat is fine.", he shuffles over to the counter and sits.

"Just a coffee."

"Nice day, isn't it?", she says as she pours his coffee.

"Yep. I stop here before I go to the park."

"Cool, nice day to sit and watch the world go by. Just don't get lost in
that world!", she says jokingly. "Want a newspaper to read? I'll go get
one."

"Sure, that'll be great."

She gets the newspaper and hands it to him. He opens up to the comics
immediately to read what Archie is doing today. He likes Archie, always has. Yeah, if he was him, he wouldn't be sitting in this
cafe alone. Archie would find a way to get her back! He smiles at the
thought...

He sits for several minutes sipping his coffee and just reading the
comics.

Paying for his coffee, he exits the diner. "Thanks, have a nice day",
the waitress says kindly.

He exits the diner and crosses half a street, when suddenly a car barely
misses him. The driver beeping the horn, shouts out the window. "Watch
where your going, mister!" He looks into the windshield of that car and
it is her!


"Sadhna! Gosh, I thught I'd drop in but I never dreamed it would be like
this!"

"Oh, my God!! Prateek!! I almost hit you with my car! Are you alright? Let
me pull over."

She pulls her car over to the sidewalk and stops. She is shaken as Prateek
walks over to the window. "Open your window please, Sadhna."

"Prateek, I'm shaking, I'm so sorry, but you have to watch crossing the
street! Is something the matter ?"

"Sadhna, how come you are avoiding me? It's been a month since we last spoke. I
care about you, don't you know that? I was just joking around with my
note that day. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"I know Prateek. It's not you. I've been having some personal problems and I
wanted to handle them myself. I just needed some "me" time. Prateek did you think I
was mad at you? I am not. I love you darling. Forgive my silence. Why don't
you get in the car, we can drive to the park and just be together.

"That's so ironic, Sadhna, I was heading for the park to think about
you."

"Well, now you can think about me, while I am here and not keep me under
your hat. I am flesh and blood and I am here to listen to you Prateek.
Just know that this happen for a reason. We are both too proud to open
up, so fate steps in and opens the door for us. "

"Yes, Sadhna, our silly pride makes us put love under a hat."

"That's a good one, love under a hat! Sounds like Cat in the Hat".

"I'm just thinking how long it would have been before one of us would have decided to break the silence? Or what if we just decided to remain silent? Then what?"

"Yes, silence is silly, isn't it, when words can heal your heart."

This could be your story and mine too and anybodys and everybodys......how many times it has happened that we have decided not to speak about our feelings, our thoughts and just go about doing our thing hoping silence would make things better???? I have done it many times but now I know its not the right thing to do....sometimes silence creates deep cracks which are very hard to mend....So today if you have been silent about anything, go speak your mind...dont bottle up inside...words are more healing than silence......





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SECURE IN YOUR LOVE

Secure In Your Love I feel

Radiant,

peaceful,

changed,

blissful,

anticipating,

naughty,

rippling,

carefree,

succulent,

corny,

cheerful,

romantic,

fulfilled,

nourished,

forced out sometimes,

flourished,

loved,

cherished,

treasured,

desired,

these are a few

of the emotions

I experience from being

secure in your love.







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WALKING AWAY

She had swore that she wouldn't, she would never let it happen to her,she wasn't like the other girls, she was different, at times she thought better even. But he was special. He was like no one else she had ever met. She had tried so hard to stay away from him, knowing it was wrong, knowing she would be going against everything she stood for, everything she had believed in. But to her it seemed impossible. She felt drawn to him, attracted to him so strongly that when he was around she couldn't think straight. All she could see was him, all she could feel was him, there was no one else except him.

She still remembered it all so clearly like it was yesterday. Every time she closed her eyes he was there. His perfect face grinning at her, his bright brown eyes burning into hers. If she tried hard enough she could almost remember how it felt to touch him, to feel him next to her. The first time she had seen him she knew he was different, not like the many others that she knew. He had touched her heart, brought down the barriers that she had worked night and day to build. His every presence, his every touch, every tender caress had knocked them down one by one.

She remembered the first time she had met him. Her cousin had brought him and his mom over to their house. She had nearly slammed the door on him without realising he was there. But once she had seen him she knew that she wouldn't ever forget him. He was imprinted in her head for as long as she remembered those wonderful memories. Sometimes it drove her crazy thinking about all the times they had shared, all the things they had done together. But what tore away at her heart was the memories of what it felt to kiss him, to hold him, to make love to him.

She remembered the first time he had kissed her. They were standing in her drawing room. He had brought her home from a movie. She was surprised at how the whole time they were there he hadn't made a move on her. To an extent she was even disappointed. But now here they were standing opposite each other. He kept on saying he was leaving; yet he made no attempt to move towards the door. She had teased him saying she would see him tomorrow, asking why he hadn't left yet, what was stopping him. He said goodbye once again as he moved towards her. He had moved until he was inches away from her face. She felt his hot breath on her face. “You know, I'm not leaving without a kiss” he said huskily staring into her eyes. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat; she looked at him then to his lips. She knew it was wrong, her brain was telling her to run, to stop this before it started, to get away from him as far as possible. But she froze to the spot and whispered, “Well what are you waiting for then?” Her heart pounded as he moved even closer towards her and reached out his hand to touch her face. He brushed the strands of hair that fell into her eyes. He gently caressed the side of her cheek down to her chin. Tracing his fingers around her face until he found her lips. He gently brushed his fingers over them looking at her so intensely, she felt unable to breath. She felt his fingers on her lips and yearned for his lips to touch hers. He finally brought his face closer to hers; she tilted her head waiting for him. He placed his lips on hers and she parted her lips to receive him. She felt his lips crush hers; she felt a rush through her whole body. She could feel the sensation take over her whole body as he continued to kiss her even intensely. She moved her body closer towards him until she could feel her chest press against his. She felt his arms around her as the kiss deepened. She felt her whole body awaken, every fibre in her body was responding to his touch. It was all she could do to pull away from him, trying to catch her breath. He stood there perfectly still, smiling at her. “You know next time, that's not going to be enough” he said as he reached his head forwarded and planted one final kiss on her cheek before he left. She knew exactly what he had meant and her heart skipped a beat at the prospect of what was to come.

The tears rolled down her cheek now as she remembered those memories,those wonderful memories that were going to torture her for as long as she remembered him. She wiped away the tears and looked around at the room. The room, which she had shared with him. She tried to block out the memories of both of them together smiling, laughing, and crying. She looked around the room from the cupboard where he kept his clothes to his desktop where he worked, until her eyes rested on the double bed that they had shared. Her breath caught in her throat as she replayed the many occasions that they had spent making love. She remembered his every touch as if he was touching her for the first time again. The pain was unbearable and she had to look away. She walked over to the door where her bags were packed. She bent down and picked them up. She turned around for one final look before she locked the door. She walked away slowly at first, then faster wanting to get away. She knew it was the right thing to do. She had nothing left to stay here for now. As she walked away, she knew that this very second he was marrying her cousin, making the lifetime commitment that he should be making to her.


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BLISSFUL TURMOIL

Oh the unexplainable feeling of being completely in love...

Letting go of all inhibitions and giving all yourself to another person,

Seeing their smile and knowing that all your problems are gone,

Melting completely at the gentle caresses ot their voice,

The touch of their hand calming all fears churning inside you,

Feeling invincible in their arms,

Losing ability to breathe when you see their face,

Then, you look into their eyes, the windows to their very soul,

Knowing from the silent words spoken there that they too are lost in the wonderfully blissful turmoil we call LOVE...

P.S. This post comes from the fact that I am engaged now :D

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YOU

I sit here smoking, drinking, thinking about you, and asking myself questions which have no answers. Who is he? Why him? Why me? Where is he now? The questions will always be there, never fade. But, in the long run, that's okay.

Can't you see? I want you a lot, but I love you so much more. I don't know why, I feel this way. You have captured it all, my mind, my body, my heart, and, yes even now,my soul. I gave it to you freely, to do what you want with it. But I must beg you to be kind. Please don't hurt me.

For I couldn't recover from this love which is so blind. You are my world it's so plain to see. You are the light which guides me. What does she have that I don't? What is so great about her? Is she better than I? Does she love you more? Could she love you like I could? I don't know.

And that's why I fear in the long run she will always have what I don't .

You.


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HURT

I HATE TO LOVE YOU

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LOVE - A GIFT

She sat across the room from him, hugging her knees to her chest as she sat on the pillows. With him, yet in another world.
Wrapped in the white fluffy robe he had so lovingly purchased for her on their first night together, she observed yet didn't intrude.
She watched as his fingers slid back and forth across the strings.
One hand gently plucking while the other moved of it's own accord.
The sound was soulful, magical.
His head bent, he studied his movements, lost within the rhythm he alone could hear in his head and his entire body flowed with the creation.
While he didn't know it, this was the true gift she wanted to receive.
To know him like no one else.
Within his own element, in the seclusion of the music room he was not pressured to be what everyone expected him to be, but to just be himself.
This is the way she loved him.
This was the man that had brought about such a change in her life.
They had both gone to such distances to get to each other.
To be just what each other had needed, had longed for forever.
The feeling of comfort and excitement, both flowing at the same time.
To know just what each other desired with a look.
"Just what do you have?" people would ask, and all she could do was smile.
"Was it worth all of the changes?" people would ask, and he would smile back.
No words were needed.

As if reading her thoughts he stilled his hands and looked up at her.
"I love you."
And she smiled.


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MY OWN SKY!!!!

Today while driving to work, as usual my radio was on. I kept changing the channels in hope to come across a song which i wanted to listen to. While punching the buttons furiously on the radio, my fingers stopped when I heard words "Tu jahan main wahan, sang sang yun chaloon tere jaise tera aasman". I heard the entire antara and sadly that was the end of the song. Somehow those words struck me somewhere. The line was not poetic but it touched me deep inside. I called up the station and asked to speak to the RJ. I badly wanted to know from which movie this song was played so that I could download it when I reached work.

When I listened to this song on my laptop, the entire song, my eyes began to mist. The song is nothing great and neither is the music outstanding. But sometimes a song remains with you because of the situation that you are in right now. My mind has been in a turmoil for some time now as regards to my relationship. We've not had the best of times together, and the cracks are more than visible now. But somehow we are pulling along. At times I feel he's just not there when I need him the most and sometimes when I just want him to listen to me, he offers me a solution which I really dont want. I just want him to listen, There is a line in this song which goes, "Jo uljhan main ho mann, main behlaunga". I just want that. I want him to listen to me, humour me, not give me a solution.
As I listened to this song over and over again , I wanted him to understand me and my turmoil.I want him to understand that I need him. I want him to say he will be there for me, no matter what. I want him to say,
"Sang sang yun chaloon tere jaise tera aasman".




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MY WISH ON VALENTINE'S DAY

Valentine's Day's wishlist:

Some pray to marry the man they love, my prayer will somewhat vary: I humbly pray to heaven above that I love the man I marry.

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LOVE TEACHES

There is a difference in knowing something in your mind, and in your heart and soul. Intellectually understanding something is very easy.
Its just a question of looking at the information, looking at what you do and don't know and try to make a wise decision.
But heart and soul are different than your mind.
The heart will hold unto things, and never accept things that the mind can easily understand. That boy your mind is telling you to be with, because he's so kind to you, but your heart doesn't have feelings for.
And you dont control your feelings, only your actions.
To me, this is a part of what makes love so special.
The odds of really falling for someone, and having them really fall for you.
These are shots in the dark and they dont happen that often.
But you find someone who makes you feel happy about being you.
Who makes it easy for you to get up in the morning, just so you can see them.
Who makes the hard things easy, just because you know you can be with them later.
Who gives you faith in humanity, because they are a part of it.
This is love, near as I can tell.
Its like they are a part of you, you didnt even know you had until you met them.
The heart recognises and thinks in this language.
It can also hate in this language as well.
The heart takes longer time to heal and learn.
But its only when you know something in your heart that you truly believe it.
Love makes you learn with your heart, not your mind.


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