Tuesday, September 15, 2009

SAY NO TO MARITAL RAPE

NOTE: Please dont read further if you are easily offended.

I recently met a woman - once a bright beautiful girl and that day she seemed a ghost to me, almost corpse, a dead pan expression on her face. She looked like as if the desire to live had been sapped out of her. Now what set my mind ticking was, how did a spunky, full-of-life, smart girl turn into this withdrawn , dark, listless woman. On asking around, I came to know that she is a victim of marital rape.

From that day onwards my mind is in a turmoil. i'm disturbed and distressed at the way things have not changed for us women. with all our education and financial independence, our state still remains the same.

Marital rape is not uncommon in India. Infact I presume its quite prevalent not only in the rural setting but also in our urban middle class and elite society as well. What I really dont understand is how does a marriage give a licence to the man to treat his woman like a chattel? Is marriage only about sex? What about friendship, love, respect?? Where do they stand in the texture of this entire thing called marriage? Why do men think its their right to trample over a woman just beacause she's his wife? What kind of a man forces himself on his wife when she does not want it? Is she not entitled to her wishes, moods and emotions? Its her body that you're playing with!!!!Do men even realize what kind of mental trauma a woman goes through when forced upon this manner??

I have read it a lot of time and even heard men gloating "Its my right and your duty to give it to me when i want it". RIGHT is it?? Who gives them this right to force themselves on their wives against their wishes. Its mostly our society who gives them this so called "right". Our men have been brought up in this manner where they give two hoots to the wishes of their women. DUTY is it?? If its the woman's duty to give him the pleasure is it not his duty to give her the respect she deserves?? Again its the texture of our society which gives the man this unprecedented freedom to abuse his woman.

Why cant a woman say no when she doesnt want to have sex with her husband? If that is the point then the husband should also not refuse her when she wants it. If "headache", "my cycle is goin on" are considered excuses according to him, then "i'm tired", "pressure at office" are also equal excuses according to us women? And why is that "no" not taken in the right spirit? Why is that men find it humiliating and demeaning when refused sex? Why does a 'no' entail rape and physical abuse? Why are women branded as 'sluts' and 'whores' when they make the first move and told that a woman should not behave in this manner?? Why??? Is a man's body needs different from a woman's body needs??

So why is marital rape still happening?? Why are women still forced upon?? Why are women physivally and mentally abused when they say no?? Why are women still treated as second class citizens in the society?? And why are we, women, letting our men get away with all this??
When will we get the respect that we deserve both at home and outside??

JUST TOO MANY QUESTIONS AND NO ANSWERS!!!!!!
ITS A SORRY STATE TO SAY THE LEAST!!!!

Marital rape is a punishable offence under the Indian penal code. Women can complain if they subjected to this violent act by their husbands. But how many of the victims come forward todo that? Most of them never come to light and I believe in many cases the police refuses to lodge the complaint siding withe man saying its their internal matter. In such a scenario the woman has to put her foot down and say no. thats the first step. SAY NO. DONT LET YOURSELF BE TRAMPLED LIKE THIS. Rest will follow. When we get the courage to say no and keep it that way the battle will become easier. But FIRST SAY NO. THE FIRST STEP WILL MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE.

P. S.

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11 comments:

indianhomemaker said...

Shocking and sad about your friend.
But not surprising...

And very relevant questions. Women are ashamed to discuss rape by strangers, criminals... it is difficult to discuss rape by their husbands.
Watch the news today, about the foreigner who was first molested, than harassed by the defence lawyer.
This is a very relevant post Gurmeen... I will also blog about it.

Solilo said...

The main problem with marital rape is that it is difficult to prove. It is really sad that many women and even men are victims of marital rape but in most cases nothing much can be done. Getting a proof is a tough job.

hitch writer said...

shocking... assume it happens... but I have not heard this ever... only read about it from strangers... or in papers etc...

i guess these things are always also swept under the carpet.. not everyone speaks out..

SAY NO !! I guess that is the first step...

Balvinder Singh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Balvinder Singh said...

Frankly speaking, it is the difference between male and female anatomies that is partially to be blamed. If both the partners indulge in foreplay before the act then they will come to know in a minute or so if one of them is not ready and should not force the other partner further. But then since woman's anatomy does not require her to be ready to be forced into the act, she is always at the receiving end. But on the other hand though a female can force herself on a male but she can not make him act if he is not ready.

Generally men are endowed with higher libido. And if they have a habit of daily getting drunk they will invariably demand sex. That is the very reason that there are brothels for men.

It is only through mutual understanding that forced sex between the married couples can be avoided.

If one of the parteners is not ready they should just hug and caress and cuddle. Sometimes a passionate hug of a loved one can give the joy of a thousand orgasms.

Gunmeen, my compliments for treading the unchartered territories.

TWO HOURS BEFORE said...

i concur with you. i love your works and your desire to address this social ills that continue to eat our society

i am a kenyan blogger but post poetry instead. i have liked your work thou

follow me at:
www.twohoursbefore.blogspot.com

i am what i am said...

@IHM: thank you ihm...its relevant coz its so prevalent even now...we really need to address this issue more strongly

i am what i am said...

@solilo: like i said na in most of the caes the police sides with the husband...thats why they go unreported...and you're right getting a proof is difficult but then the issue isnt easy also...so difficulties are bound to be there...but should that stop the woman from tackling it...NO it shouldnt

i am what i am said...

@hitchwriter: we have to say No....theres no other way otherwise like you said...the issue will always be swept under the carpet!!!!

i am what i am said...

@Mr Balvinder Singh: thank you sir


@twohoursbefore: thank you for visiting the blog...will surely visit yours....

Bala said...

Really a bold & thought provoking post...

While reading this post, for a second, I really felt ashamed to be a man... Really feel pitty for the innocent women suffering in the hands of animal like mens...

Marraige... many think of it as a licence to taste the body of their wife anytime they wish... If that is the case, then there is no difference between a man and the animal...

Sex... It's a part of marraige... but it's not the only thing out of marraige... beyond that there are many divine things like love, care, mutual respect, and so on to relish in this relationship....

Wish the situation of these women changes... And I swear that I'll not ever belong to the group of these women eating animals...

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