Monday, December 17, 2007
A day can begin in several different ways. Some begin by getting out of the proverbial wrong side of the bed; days that have to be got through like chewing tough steak.
Its hard to write anything beautiful on days like these, infact its hard to write anything but the job of the writer is to write and waiting round for inspiration is the most certain way for a writer to starve. So thats why i'm here... to write.
The computer stares back at me, the screen is a blank page and its my job to fill it, but with what.
Well, for me nothing creates the imaginative juices easier than you telling me you love me. Suddenly my fingers are well oiled and the words flow, but even if the words were to fail me, I know you never will. And on a day like today i need to tell you how much you mean to me and how you make me feel. I'll never lose this love, never feel ordinary when you are so much a part of my life. Some days come down empty and the need to fill them is as exciting to me as filling a blank page. True, I'll never be able to fill them all and there will be nights when all day we chewed meat. Its more rewarding to love on days like these; after day's got through because we swallowed hard and gritted our teeth. Thats when our love is warm and huge.
When frustrations overwhelm me, its then i understand something, like the astronaut who stepped onto the moon and looked down on every other man who might have wished, as a kid, toffee clogging his mouth, that he would one day stand so proud. Perhaps I'll never stand on the moon, but when I write I want to make those who read believe they will. i want to write so beautifully that every woman will say, let her speak for me, and every man say i want to live in that woman's heart.
Its on days that sound hollow and empty that you fill them with everything that i could ever want or need. so what can i say, what words can i write to make your day beautiful?
When you came into my life, I grew an inch, saw things from a different height, a new perspective, and with each passing day, good, bad or indifferent, you continue to love me. i know i'm standing on my own moon, the kid made good, the woman who lost herself to many strange faces, and was found in your arms.
Days come and go and some will be special. some will stick in my throat like cotton wool, but in the evening you will be here and I will be here. I'd want the world if it were good enough for you, bring home the pacific basin if I thought that was what you needed.
Instead i bring myself.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
A bald man`s head is sexy. I don`t know why but a clean pate arouses me. I want to go over and rub his head, though I wouldn`t do it unless I know him real intimately because I read somewhere men are sensitive about this not so sexy part of their bodies. A squeaky clean pate to me signifies cleanliness, a trait our men are not so famous for, although they want their women to smell heavenly for them. Guys trust me clean is sexy.
A gentle caress can be sexy, if done right. When you put your love behind the touching, it’s the greatest. A rough touch can do the same if that’s what you like. To me, a gentle touch means he must love me. Its not lust driving him to do it but the emotions of being with me.
A gentle kiss will do the same. He thinks i`m fragile and will break if treated harshly. But this is truly the opposite of me. I like to be kissed hard and rough. I`m a very strong woman; life has made me that way. I don`t want to be smothered with love. But every once in a while, I need to see a softer side of me, love and life. For me a man who can bring out this gentler side of me is sexy.
Seeing the love shining in his eyes is definitely sexy. Because of all the women in this world, those eyes are shining for me. To be that to someone is sexy.
Knowing that my partner enjoys me is sexy. It’s the thought of him being able to be with any accessible woman in this world, but i`m the one he wants to please and be pleased by, that’s sexy. If he makes me coffee, bring it to the bed with him, just shows that he cares, is sensitive to my needs. And sensitive guys are real sexy because being sensitive is not their greatest asset.
Most people consider what someone has sexually sexy. I don`t know about a lot of women, but guys , big boobs aren`t always fun. They can be annoying and get in the way. Plus they just lie there, they can`t do tricks. Well not unless the women trains them. I`m not into that.
Butts are known to be sexy. I admit a nice butt on a man is nice. Is it sexy? I guess in a way it is, it shows that he has a gift, if you want to call it that. Its not something that he has to have for me to think that he`s sexy.
Bodies are a big issue when dealing with being sexy, aren`t they? How many of us see a huge giant of a guy walking down the street and say, “ Hey, that’s, sexy!” Most of us won`t, I can bet anything on it, because with such people you have to get to know them first to see whats sexy. And while we are dealing with the issue of big, let me ask a critical question to all my women readers at this juncture. Does size matter? Most of you will answer yes. As for me, I don`t think so. My man does not have to be that well endowed for me to find him sexy. It’s a simple case of one man`s meat being other man`s poison because whats sexy to me needn`t be sexy to you.
God couldn`t grant us all beauty. He had to give it to special people. You know the ones, the ones that are too dumb to know what 2*2 is. The Greek God/Goddesses of the world that don`t know how to boil water. Yeah, those people had to be beautiful. I`m not saying that all beautiful people are stupid, don`t have to crucify me for that. I`m not against the good looking creed of this world. The ones that have to rely on their looks to get something out of life are the ones i`m speaking of.
Who really cares what a person looks like? I mean its nice that they are nice to look at. God bless them! But most of the good ones i`ve known are shallow, conceited and think they know it all. They think that we owe them something just because they have a beautiful body.
I`m not the most beautiful woman in this world. But I think its sexy that I know what I want from life, from my man, how I want to live. If I know how to please my man, how to make him think that he is a Greek God, that’s sexy. If I know how to love him like he needs to be loved, how to take care of him, that’s sexy. If I know how make him smile, laugh, how to make him feel special, that’s sexy. Its sexy if I know how to make him feel like a man. Being confident is sexy. Not being beautiful does not make me feel less sexy. Being a complete woman in my own right does make me sexy.
I`ve dated hunk before. It wasn`t fun. You turn into someone that isn`t you. I was worried about someone else getting my man; worried that someone would find him attractive. I`m not an insecure person thank you. I`m not a jealous person, i`m comfortable with who and what I am. It was just that he was so nice that I couldn`t get over the fact others were going to find him that way too.
What are your views on it? Do you find inner beauty better? Or do you base it on looks? Why is it, in the world that we live in people want to base a relationship on how someone looks instead of how someone is? What draws you to the person? What makes them stand out? What makes someone sexy? What do you think is sexy?
One of my best friends was there to comfort me. I had known him for sixyears and we had been through our ups and downs but were still friends. He saw the softer side of me that day, a side that not too many people get to see. When I got home that day I was sad and in a horrible mood. I saw thepicture of my ex and cried, my heart sunk. I couldn't help thinking I had made a horrible mistake and I couldn't talk about it.
Starting the next day things got better. I started talking to someone I had really liked for seven months but hadn't dont anything about because I was with the guy I had just dumped. The more I talked to him the more I liked him. That night I was talking to a friend of mine on the net. We were talking about webcams and I remembered a collage I had made when my ex was over and opened it. It was a collection of pictures taken of him from different angles. I opened the file and felt nothing; and they were good pictures of him, the best he had ever taken. I suddenly realized that I hadn't really loved him. I was over him. I had been over him for a long time.
Almost two weeks had gone by and I was talking more often with my not sonew interest. We found out we had mutual feelings when a friend of mine told him what I felt. Our relationship grew stronger after that. I had never felt about anyone the way I felt about him, and it didn't fade. We started going out, and have been for almost a month. He is the mostwonderful person I have ever met. I never thought I'd love again, or at least not get over my ex. I was proved wrong. I would never love again because I had not been in love, not even strong like.
What was the point of writing this you may ask. No real point. I could be spending my time doing things that much need to be done. But this came into my head and I just started typing. Maybe it's the holiday spirit that's got me, I don't really know. ButI've never felt so happy. He's perfect and I don't know what I've done to deserve this. It must have been something real good, because things like this don't really happen that often. There really aren't any words to describe the way I feel when I'm aroundhim, or when I think about him. How can you really describe a feeling?
There is someone out there for you, not matter what you may think rightnow, or what you are going through. That special person will come into your life, maybe when you least expect it, but it'll happen. Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't. You have to enjoy it while you have it. Don't look back and regret, don't look forward and plan. Live your life for today. And show them how you really feel. It will make all the difference. Live today, love today, and be sure not to throw it all away.
One night stands aren`t as in they used to be. Now lovers are coupling up for more long term sex. Its called “Friends with Benefits.” They get all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. They start out as friends. They enjoy each other`s company and then one night start sleeping together
They don`t date. Its not a traditional “significant other” type relationship. In many cases, the other friends are not even aware about their rendevouz on the side. Its set up as a mutual gratification, friends helping friends arrangement.
What most Friends with Benefits fail to do is set up the rules. It generally starts out as either happenstance or perhaps a small dialogue exchange, “I don`t have anyone, you don`t either, so lets do it, no strings attached. What do you think?” it all sounds well in good; at least initially when both are hornier than a unicorn. But can friends who sleep together remain friends once it ends? Or is the start of mutual sex the start of the end of their friendship?
Sex creates a bond, no matter how discussed up front it is. Someone always gets hurt on the end of a no strings attached, Friends with Benefits arrangement. Booty calls always start out with physical satisfaction as the sole purpose. Yet when two people share that kind of closeness, and if it’s a recurring buddy booty call, then they spend time together. Someone is doing something very intimate with and to the other. Who isn`t always appreciative of a good orgasm
One or both may know that they don`t want a commitment and that’s why the No Strings Attached agreement was conceived. But when the “ooh baby, yeah that feels so good, I love what you do to me” occurs regularly, how can they NOT start to feel something for the other? One person will inevitably feel a stronger emotional bond than the other; its not a male/female bias. One will still only love the physical benefits and the other will enjoy the great sex so much that they get attached, even though they weren`t looking for a relationship
Or perhaps one person may have always been secretly attached to the friend and knew the other didn`t want a relationship, yet figured a Friends with Benefits arrangement was better than nothing. Hence they verbally agree to the arrangement but emotionally they were already hooked.
Develop some rules before entering into any such arrangement. Consider these suggestions: No going out with each other if you can`t handle your desires, no public affection, no gifts and any other boundaries you want to instill. Before it starts, decide how it will end, if starting out as friends, the goal is to end as friends. If new love interests were previously discussed among friends, shouldn`t those types of conversations still be allowed? Always remember that you were friends first and lovers later. Try not to forget the friendship and don`t be overdemanding of each other.
Use your heads to consider wisely what may be lost and gained if you enter into a Friends with Benefits arrangement. Please remember that falling in love and falling in lust are two separate issues and should be dealt accordingly.
It's about choices. Sometimes you say yes because you want to and you
can and it's crazy and beautiful and wonderful. Sometimes you say no
because you're frightened and you can't and it's crazy and beautiful
A candle flame that flickers and swells, rising and falling like the
aching breaths of lovers' sighs.
It's light from a thousand golden stars and darkness that caresses and
It's the taste of the rain on your lips and the sound of crinkling
It's about snow angels and Christmas tree stars and hot chocolate and
mittens on strings.
It's about sailboats and oceans and horses and flowers.
Love is laughter that just can't stop, tears that well and fall away.
It's smiles that linger and smiles that are traded from my lips to
yours as they meet in a kiss.
Love is the sound of waves breaking on rocks and wind gushing through
trees and the notes of our song and your name on my lips.
Love is the meeting of souls that are thousands of times older and wiser
than we are.
Love is me throwing myself at you, my youth, my passion, my exuberance,
my heart and soul, my strengths and frailties, and knowing you will
Love is me opening my arms to you and opening my heart to you and all
that you are and all that you've been or will be, and to all that you
Love is offering all that I can give and risking everything that I have.
Love is deciding to live.
**To the man you are in your dreams... from the woman I am in mine. I
So the point that everybody is trying to drive home is that the only way I can feel complete as a woman is to have children. Nothing else matters. Whatever hard work that i have put in all these years comes to a naught, just because i do not want to have children. Not today, not tomorrow but never.
I have always maintained that I lack the maternal gene. I do not have the requisite qualities to raise a child, be unconditional and sacrificing. So when I say this, I get these funny looks from everyone including my contemporaries. According to them, there is definitely and obviously something wrong with me physically and psychologically.
There are so many prejudices attached to this particular decision of not having children. There's a tidal wave of pressure in our society to have children and many child free women still experience the basic assumption among parents that if you dont have children, its because you cant have them, not because you dont want them.it is just assumed that every woman on this planet wants to produce a progeny. Gimme a break people!!!!!!!!
Its because of such kinds of assumptions that i realized that i must find immense strength inside myself. I need to state without flinching that i choose not to be a mother and for that i have to find great strength within myself to face this prejudice. And here is what i would like to emphasize. I have a strong sense of confidence and self love to know that i am a worthy person and a complete woman. I choose not to have children but that does not mean i cant love other children. I will find ways to give back what the society has given me without being tied down to a role and a responsibility for which i am not suited.
Sometimes i see women being bullied by their partners or immediate family to go in for motherhood. And the plea/threat is always the same. "If you love me, you will give me the child i want". Well women could just as well ask, "If you love me, why do you want me to bear a child that i dont want". But most often women dont ask. They dont stand up for themselves or for their bodies who would have to go through the trauma of childbirth. I feel that if a woman succumbs to this overpowering ambivalence, she is setting herself up for a very difficult time ahead. Some women may become well-adapted mothers but others may remain unhappy and cause confusion and unhappiness for her child. And if you are doing it for your partner's sake, hello, then its a double whammy, because you could be putting the entire relationship in jeopardy. The two of the lousiest reasons I can think of for having babies are:
1. i did it for him
2. i did it for the sake of marriage.
Hey, woman wake up now!!!!!!!What does "doing it for him" really do for you anyway? Lets be honest: it lets you off the hook. When the kid is too much to handle, the first thing you will say is: "you wanted this child". No kid should ever hear that, and no mother should ever say that. So do not have children for his sake. Have them for "us" sake if you have to.
In today's world women need to choose what will give them satisfaction, peace of mind and happiness. If by bringing in a child into this world can threat all of this, trust me, you are better off without them.. We women have been conditioned from our earliest childhood with the notion that one day we will become mothers. We end up with little voices inside us telling that we arent complete women, our partners wont love us, our parents will be disappointed if we dont have children. But the need of the hour is that if i have made this decision, then i need to quiten these voices and move on. Just ask yourself this: Do i see myself as a person, a mother who would love to have little lives to mould, noses to wipe, nursery rhymes to read? No. He, he, he, darlin, you do not need children.
So, in the end it is my choice, my decision whether i want a child in my life or not. And i decide not to have one, neither to adopt one. I dont know what the future has in store for me, but as of today I believe I am a complete woman in a healthy relationship with career aspirations and goals to achieve and i dont want a child to bog me down at this particular stage of my life.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
This is supposed to be the world's most expensive handbag. Priced only at a mere $45,000 only!!!!!!!!
According to me this handbag appears to have an identity crisis......Is there such a thing as a hand bag therapist???????
This bag surely needs one!!!!!!!!
Sania beat the world number 12 Swiss 6-2, 2-6, 6-4 to enter next round of the tournament. Sania will play the winner of the clash between French Virginie Razzano and her good friend Shahar Peer of Israel in the next round.
The Hyderabadi achieved a career-best WTA ranking of 30 riding on the back of her sterling form at the US hardcourt for the past three weeks.
Sania's impressive build up to the US Open started with the Cincinnati Open where she reached the quarter-finals and followed it up with a final berth at Stanford and a semi-final appearance at Acura Classic last week.
Three top-20 players in Tatiana Golovin, Patty Schnyder, Dinara Safina bore the burnt of Sania's fury in last three weeks.
On Wednesday, it was the turn of former Wimbledon Champion Hingis
Sania Mirza beat Monday blues to break into the top-30 in the world rankings. And ended a 20-year drought to become the first Indian, man or woman, to be in that slot after Ramesh Krishnan, who was ranked 23 in 1987. As the 20-year-old climbed the rankings, she raised the hopes of a billion Indians who consider her India’s answer to Maria Sharapova – high on style, high on content. A deserving youth icon. But the youngster, much like Sachin Tendulkar and other sporting genius in the country, has inevitably found herself the topic of intense debate. Her yo-yoing on the world rankings, choking at big matches and her many endorsements have provided the fodder. The camera loves her, but does that make for good tennis?
Yes, definitely so. As long as her game is not suffering, she is entitled to do anything she wants. And Sania has proved that tennis is still her passion. Every player worth his or her salt has to face the ups and downs in their game. So why single Sania when she loses in the first round of a tournament? Every day is not a sunday if you care to remember this simple fact. The media tends to go overboard everytime she loses and every time she wins which is ridiculously hilarious. Today when she has broken into the top 30, she is everbody's darling. When she was at her career low of 65, we were out to blame her for endorsing products, walking on the ramp, talking on pre marital sex and to the extent of blaming her for getting injured and being out of action.......GAWD help us.....how yucks can we get!!!!!!!!!!
Guys leave her alone. She is doing what she does the best. Playing tennis. Let her enjoy her game and let her live in peace. She has gone where no indian girl has ever treaded. at least give her some respect for that simple logical fact. I think it just does not matter whether she will ever break into top 10 or not. What matters is that Sania has proven that if you dare to dream you can achieve. She dared, she achieved. Way to go girl.
Oohh, we're starting with a biggie. I'm a hopeless (helpless / hapless) romantic myself. It would be really nice if this one were true. We'd like to think that the love between two people can surmount all kinds of odds and obstacles, but there are severe limitations to that kind of thinking. In the real world, where I sometimes live, differences about things like: money, family, long-term goals, kids (the list could go on a lot longer) can be deal-breakers. External forces have a huge impact on our lives. To dismiss them is to be naïve. While love can definitely help you get through some things, it's not enough in and of itself.
Your Partner Should Be Your Best Friend
One question... WHY? Your best friend should be your best friend... your DOG should be your best friend. Your partner should be your partner. That doesn't mean that there's no intimacy between the two of you. It doesn't mean that you can't share. It just means that you have a different relationship than you do with everyone else. That's a good thing. Best friends exist so you can complain to them about your partner. If your best friend and partner are the same person, you've got a bit of a problem on your hands.
A Healthy Couple Doesn't Fight
Show me a couple that doesn't fight and I'll show you a ticking time bomb. Fighting is healthy. Remember, it's not IF you fight... it's HOW you fight that is important. Arguments are differences of opinion. These differences make us unique and resolving a fight is how we continue to learn about each other. And let's not forget about make-up sex... Although, don't do what I once did and tell your partner that you're "really looking forward to the make-up sex" in the middle of an argument.
If You're In Love, You Won't Find Others Attractive
This one makes me howl with laughter, but it's amazing how many people believe it — or at least say that they believe it. Look... being in love with someone doesn't mean that you suddenly go blind to beauty. Appreciating someone else's beauty does not equal wanting to be with them. As long as you're not making your partner feel inadequate, there's nothing wrong with pointing out someone else's attractiveness.
A Healthy Relationship Has Nothing To Do With Sex
Sex is incredibly important in a relationship. While the frequency of sex does tend to dwindle over time in a long-term relationship, the intimacy that comes from sex is hard to match.In this case, we don't have to limit the term 'sex' to mean 'intercourse'. A display of affection in the form of kissing, touching, etc. is matchless in making us feel loved and secure. Also... sex is fun... you heard it here first!
So remember these tips and have a fun filled relationship. Remember its always healthy to be in a relationshiop which does not stifle you as an individual.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
And to top it all she actually claims to be told by some divine power that she would hold the highest post in the biggest democracy of the world. Gawd, how corny can she get!!!!!!
Anyways speaking of powerful women of this great nation... i have to share this with you. I mean how can I not????? If it gets too much too stomach please forgive me.
Guess what Ekta Kapoor has been upto. The mastermind behind the K-serials has just launched her own brand of agarbatti. Yes, you read that correctly. She along with BFF and *prominent* tarot card reader Sunita Menon (who personally scares the *&%^ out of me) launched Ekta’s Karyasiddhi Graha Shanti Dhoop. Apparently if you light one of these everyday…it will change your life immensely. Good lord…erm okay. First Shilpa Shetty with her S2 perfume, now Ekta with her agarbatti! What’s next? Or rather…who?
Comments are welcome.
Everywhere I turn nowadays, I get a different version of the same old, same old.
Girl – 1 no.s.
Well educated, good job in hand, financially independent, strong sense of space, great parental support and the common domestic situation nowadays where a girl is allowed to think freely for herself, have a say in matters, be moody, be crazy, be normal, and in general be as bull-headed as all the previous generations’ overbearing paterfamilias if she so feels like it.
Cut to Boy - 1 no.s
Modern day Indian male, “I am so progressive”, is friends with as many girls as boys, (prefers hanging out with the slimmer, prettier, more fun girls but pretty bearable otherwise). Also well-educated, having job, not necessarily financially independent, but so what, beta hai na? O crap. Whatever.
Girl meets boy, they fall in lust, they fall in like, they fall in love, things are hunky-dory for a couple of years, they’re young, no need to think about anything serious just yet, just have a lot of fun and enjoy time with each other etc etc. Boy is extremely nice to girl all along, seems smitten as hell, girl is smitten of course, girl’s friends begin to approve of this ‘gem of a boy’, girl’s family is in the loop because really, the girl is completely comfortable with her choice of relationship, nothing shady about it at all.
A few years later, girl starts wondering ‘where are we headed’ [yes, please note: the girl has to start thinking this]. Girl brings it up with boy because there is no possible reason why he should have even thought about it. I mean, good grief. What The f*&%??? And this is where the disturbing twist in the tale begins.I mean, after years of friendship and adoration and through-thick-and-thins and what have you, is it really unfathomable for a boy to see the light and take it to the next step with the one he professes to [as he repeatedly does] love?
Boy dilly-dallies for a while, then a while longer, then forever it seems. What is the problem? Girls’ parents who have [more often than not nowadays] a very sensible, open and mature relationship with their girl-child, talk to her freely about this. Girl has a great support group in friends, family, family friends. If not parents [okay, it’s been known to happen], there are a lot of other people the girl can have a heart-to-heart with.Except, disturbingly, the boy.
She can’t get through to him on this.Boy has become a little aloof, doesn’t meet up as much or as readily, they don’t go out on cute romantic dates anymore, only in big noisy groups, he doesn’t talk about it too much, pretends to carry on just as they have been all these years except for the tiny niggling fact that it has been all these years and really, pull up your damn socks now!
Girl starts feeling a little not-so-great. Everyone thinks they are as rock-steady as any couple can be, everyone constantly beams upon this ideal twosome, this made-for-each-other duo, but slowly everyone also starts wondering [like the girl did long ago], what next? Girl starts feeling a bit ill-treated.
So she brings it up with daft boy again. Boy has turned into blockhead with no realization of the decent thing to do, and possibly, a distinct lack of balls. Strain enters into formerly perfect relationship. Girl would tell boy anything and everything earlier; he was her best friend after all. Not so anymore, because now when girl starts talking about the one thing that really is bothering her, it is to be construed as nagging by the poor victimized boy.God damn. Hey Bhaggu!!!!!!!!!
In the meanwhile, girl’s other good girlfriend is going through similar shit, one step further in fact. Boy had agreed to marry girlfriend, they were engaged, they had a beautiful understanding of how they would live their new life together, until, as usual, the boy’s balls seemed to perceptibly shrink and then cease to exist because of gargoylish pressures from materfamilias.Boy turns into A-Grade wimp, refuting “strong-companion” tag and taking on the new [and yet age-old] moniker of “Mama’s boy.”
Girlfriend becomes secondary, mother’s unreasonable and draconian needs come first. And all this after boy-girl had mutually agreed to live their future life a certain independent, dignified way. Boy-wimp suddenly is quoting such text as “I only agreed because of you…” and “I’m sure other girls would have no problem with my Ma” etc, cringe puke.
Well, darling, if other girls is what you were aiming for, if other mousy, non-thinking, compromising, Hindi-movie-sati-saavitri, saree-clad, demure, eyes-downcast, mindless girls is what your dream was, then why the #$$@ did you spend all these years misleading your best friend- a beautiful, modern, independent, strong-willed, intelligent, jeans-clad woman of the 21st century?
I mean, if you wanted a glorified housemaid who could carry off a silk saree with élan, bending down with ease to scrape the feet of all the elders in your family, adhere to your glorious patriarchal notion of a good wife and respectable daughter-in-law, why the hell did you pretend to be a “progressive, forward-thinking” git with 2 cents’ worth of sense in him?
Here’s the problem. The young urban Indian woman has come of age. Her eyes are wide open, she has a beautiful head on her shoulders, she knows who she is and more importantly, she knows what she wants. There is no earthly reason for her to compromise on this, especially to unreasonable demands. Which is not to say she won’t bend over backwards if she feels it’s worth doing. That’s because young Indian woman is sensible, compassionate and strong.
This puts young urban Indian man in a quandary of sorts. He thinks he is modern, liberal-minded and a staunch supporter of feminism. All this is well and good until he is actually on the spot himself and then the veneer fades a bit. Young NRI in America decides that he in fact wants to marry a nice, homely Indian girl from back in India. Young urban Indian man decides he’s had a lot of fun with his girlfriend(s), and now it’s time to find ‘wife-material’. Mama will definitely have some ideas. Non-conformity is out of the question. You will bow to my traditions, my cultural expectations, my schedule, my rules. It’s all right to have been this way so far, now that you want to be my wife, fall in line. Yikes!!!!!!!
Dave Matthews was on to a good thing there years ago:
“Why are you different?
Why are you that way?
If you don’t fall in line
We’ll lock you away…”
So, like I was saying, this sort of thing is happening too often and to too many people I know for it to be a one-off case. My girlfriends and I have talked this over and over. [Yes, one of those bitter, bile-ridden girl-talks where we diss men and their lot with an earnestness that has to be seen to be believed.]We’ve hit upon a few theories as to the current state of affairs
1. Women rule. This is not chest-beating bravado [that’s what men do.] This is fact.
2. Women now know they rule, and so do men, and that’s what’s causing all the trouble.
3. Women are starting to lose patience with can’t-get-their-act-together male forms.
4. Women have a great support system and like-minded girlfriends to hang out with and feel better about themselves and everything.
5. Women very often meet up to chat with said like-minded girlfriends and release pent-up anger, vitriol etc and in so doing have realized that life is perfectly wonderful without the added troubles of nurturing a boy-toy for years and then finding out he’s a wimp anyway.
6. Women are kicked as hell about adoption getting easier. If there was one thing that was bothering us about lack-of-suitable-boys, it was the fact that we’d have to miss out on motherhood. Not any more. Ha ha!
7. Women are definitely on to a good thing here.
8. Women-friends who have totally lost hope that any suitables will ever exist again, will probably decide to move in together in a few years, raise their adopted children and run neat, organized but still very mad, fun households together.
9. The next-gen of kids that will be the outcome of growing up in such mad happiness will hopefully have got their bearings right and things will look up for the next lot of young Indian women.
10. Which is not so say that the next-gen of young Indian men won’t be thanking their lucky stars it happened like this! They’ll love us, their brilliant mothers to bits. And we won’t pull a draconian on them.
Over and out.
Friday, July 27, 2007
What was different with this breakup was that in letting him go i set myself free, found myself for the first time. Its almost as if there was enough place for either him or me and so when he walked out suddenly there was so much room for me to spread out.
Like most women i would re-invest even the interest i was getting in this love account so that i was assured a future with unlimited care and love.
Of course as love would have it, I was robbed off all my dreams and plans.
After having spent nearly a year in wooing me, chasing after me and nearly getting killed himself to have me by his side, he realized that he cant stand anything that i stand for. He said he despises the way i dress, the way i carry myself, how confident and independent i am etc. etc.
I was shattered initially because the easiest reaction is to drown in self pity and keep busy in "why me" crying sessions.
And then i started reading self help books. Intimacy by Osho was one of them. He says something that strikes a right chord PEOPLE ARE INTIMIDATED BY AN ATTRACTIVE PARTNER. I thought about this; it makes sense doesn't it? Its so much safer and easier to be with someone who is inconspicious, who does not have any real opinion and most of all who does not attract others.
Its all a power trip; you want to be in control of each situation and that is really tough when your partner is at the same level as you.
So my healing process started after this revelation. I realized i was intimidating my boyfriend and in this case it was a woman who was the stronger partner. The realationship started showing cracks when he started getting insecure about the fact that i was better than him in all respects. In the past I supressedmy very independent traits and even condemned myself for wanting my own space against his liking. But the cracks turned into fissures and finally we broke up.
But now i believe that if you do not accept yourself how can you allow someone else to accept you? If you dont love yourself how can anyone else?
Each day i learn something new about myself. I realized the other day that i'm capable of getting past my worst fears; whether its abseiling down the tenth floor of a building or seeing him with another girl. I love that ability I have. I think each one of us owe it to ourselves to spend at least half the time we spend loving someone else to getting know ourselves and falling in love with us first.
I BELIEVE IN KNOWING AND LOVING MYSELF FIRST. A relationship with someone is important but what is more imperative is to have a loving relationship with yourself first. That does not mean i am selfish or narcisstic. It just means that i am happy being myself.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
dhoop main dhool main uljhi kisi kiran ki tarah
main bhatakta hoon sadiyon se iss zamin pe gira
jo waqut se katkar ushi lamhe ki tarah
watan mila to zamin ke liye bhatakta raha
gali mein ghar tha nishan dhoondhta raha barson
pehle tumhari rooh mein
ab jism mein bhatakta hoon.....
"labo se chum lo,aankhon se tham lo mujhko
tumhi se janmu toh shayad mujhe panah mile"
labo se chum lo......
labo se chum lo, aankhon se tham lo mujhko
tumhi se janmu toh shayad mujhe panah mile....
tumhi se Janmu toh shayad Mujhe PaNah mile...
labo se chum lo aankhon se tham lo mujhko........
"do saundhe-saundhe se jismjis waqt ek mutthi mein so rahe the
bata to......us waqt main kahan thabata to........us waqt tu kahan thi
"main aarzu ki tapish mein pighal rahi thi kahin...
main aarzu ki tapish mein pighal rahi thi kahin
tumhare jism se hokar,nikal rahi thi kahin
bade haseen the.....
bade haseen the jo,
raah mein gunah mile
tumhi se janmu
toh shayad mujhe panah mile.....
labo se chum lo,
aankhon se tham lo mujhko...
"tumhari lau ko pakedkar jalne ki aarzu mein jab
apne hi aap se lipat kar sulagh raha tha
bata to.....us waqt main kahan thabata to.....us waqt tu kahan thi
"tumhari aankhon ke......
tumhari aankhon ke saahil se door - door kahin
main dhoondhti thi mile khushbuon ka noor kahin
wahin ruki hoon...wahin ruki hoon,
jahan se tumhari raah mile
tumhi se janmu to
shayad mujhe panah mile......
labo se Chum lo.....
aankhon se tham lo mujhko.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
TERI HUN APNA NASEEB BANA LE MUJHKO
MUJHSE TU POOCHNE AAYA HAI WAFA KE MAANE
YEH TERI SAADA DILI KAHIN MAAR NA DAALE MUJHKO
KHUD KO MAIN BAANT NA DALUN KAHIN DAMAN DAMAN
KAR DIYA AGAR MERE HAWALE TUNE MUJHKO
BADHA TO PHIR BADHA HAI MAIN TO ZEHER BHI PI JAOON
SHART YEH HAI KI APNI BAHAN MAIN SAMA LE MUJHKO
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
It was like any ordinary coffee table we sat on, in any ordinary cafe, like any ordinary two people, but not any ordinary conversation...it was ordinary but not `any`...it only engrossed the two of us...individualized. I ordered a latte. He ordered an espresso. He was eyeing everything except my eyes. He swept a nonchalant glance at me, then looked at the crowded tables around us, and said, "I like your new neck piece, is it new?" I nod my head. I had worn that neck piece four times before.
I take a puff at my cigarette and it fills my mouth with a stinging taste. I take a sip at my latte hoping the bad taste will wash away. I look at him and ask cheerfully, "So what made you wake me in the middle of the night for a cup of coffee?" "Ah, i don`t know...I thought i`d talk with you for a while." I smile, misunderstanding the essence of his words. He looks at me with his beautiful eyes and i see a fidgety shimmer. His fingertips do a jittery dance on the red tablecloth. I move closer, worry muffling me. I wrap my steady fingers on his sweaty hands and ask, "What`s the matter?" He looks at me and avoids my searching gaze. His head falls in his palms and cries out, "I don`t know, really, i...ah...". I draw back and say, "Well, it can`t be that bad can it? We can work it out, we always did". But he looks at me and i know it is beyond `working it out`. He takes a long sip at his espresso, and miraculously, as if it granted him the courage, he says, " I think we should take a break". "Break, you mean like vacation?" I ask understanding, but not wanting to understand. But he crushes away that bleak moment of self-miscomprehension and says, "Well, actually no, I was referring to us...I need a break from us". I draw further back, back into myself. I sit there not wanting to react. I reach out for my marlboro and take out a cigarette. I light it and it burns...burns to ashes. I want to hit him on the head, instead i say, "So you really think we should take a break?" He nods his head and says, " It would be good for us". You mean good for you. There is no `us` in this self arranged decision. "You don`t feel good with this relationship?" "Nah, I just feel crowded with the commitment and all". I look at him questioningly. "What commitment?" I ask. "You know, being together, loyal and faithful and all. I owe it to you when i am with you".
I look around me at the other tables. It is my turn to avoid his eyes. "Ok". I say this small word to the red tablecloth with so much difficulty and he nods his head. He tries to make conversation with me, but i am unable to reply back. He is drinking too much condensed espresso, condensed, unintended cruelty...I need more of my latte. I hold the cup to my quivering lips and take a gulp of the diluted coffee...it might dilute the slap of insult he aimed at my heart.
This arrangement called `us`...I was never used to it but i tuned myself for his sake...to earn his love. I used to work so hard, adjusting, monitoring myself to this new cast I wanted so much yet despised its unpleasentness. I was never born in a couple...only one body per womb, per coffin. But i made space for him, squeezed to the edge for his sake.
"You`re a strong person. I envy you for your poise". His words come aiming at me. So it is person now...gender disappears. I look at him and draw a prideful smile on pale face. I reach out for my mug and it slips from my hands by mistake...blunder caused by confusion. "Shit! I am so clumsy". I utter these words and kneel down to gather the broken pieces...I se my latte on the floor and moan. I needed that diluted coffee...milk...whiteness. Gaurav kneels down with me, but i say, "No need, I can pick up the pieces". With privacy. "Just go call someone to wipe the coffee away". He goes, and I squat there on the floor sweeping the pieces trying to adjust them into place...to retrieve my heart. The waiter comes and wipes the latte with a mop. Just a quick `swish` with his trained hands and weapon, the mop, and the mess is gone. Along with hope.
Two months later.
I enter the cafe for a drink of coffee...it is cold outside and i need something to warm me up. The waiter comes up and asks, "Usual order, miss?" I look at him and say, "Nopes, I will take espresso please".
When i asked you to listen to me and you started giving me advice, you have not done what i asked. When i ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why i shouldn`t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When i ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.Listen! All i ask is that you listen. Don`t talk or do- just hear me. Advice is cheap; two bucks will get you both the agonu aunt and uncle saviour in the same newspaper. And i can do for myself; I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something foe me that i can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that i feel what i feel, no matter how irrational, then i can stop trying to convince you and get about this business of understanding what`s behind this irrational feeling. And when that`s clear, the answers are obvious and i don`t need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what`s behind them. Perhaps that`s why prayers work, sometimes for some people- because God is mute, and he doesn`t give advice or try tofix things. God just listens andlets you work it out for yourself. So please listen, and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn- and i will listen to you.