Tuesday, October 2, 2007


What is sexy? I find myself asking this question a lot lately? Today, I hope to get some answers as I sit listening to music, listening to different singers describe love, sexiness, sensuality, longing. One dictionary defines it: “arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest.” That doesn`t help me out for crap! I don`t want to know the meaning of the word for Christ`s sake. I want the feel of it. I sit back and think about what I find sexy?

A bald man`s head is sexy. I don`t know why but a clean pate arouses me. I want to go over and rub his head, though I wouldn`t do it unless I know him real intimately because I read somewhere men are sensitive about this not so sexy part of their bodies. A squeaky clean pate to me signifies cleanliness, a trait our men are not so famous for, although they want their women to smell heavenly for them. Guys trust me clean is sexy.

A gentle caress can be sexy, if done right. When you put your love behind the touching, it’s the greatest. A rough touch can do the same if that’s what you like. To me, a gentle touch means he must love me. Its not lust driving him to do it but the emotions of being with me.

A gentle kiss will do the same. He thinks i`m fragile and will break if treated harshly. But this is truly the opposite of me. I like to be kissed hard and rough. I`m a very strong woman; life has made me that way. I don`t want to be smothered with love. But every once in a while, I need to see a softer side of me, love and life. For me a man who can bring out this gentler side of me is sexy.

Seeing the love shining in his eyes is definitely sexy. Because of all the women in this world, those eyes are shining for me. To be that to someone is sexy.

Knowing that my partner enjoys me is sexy. It’s the thought of him being able to be with any accessible woman in this world, but i`m the one he wants to please and be pleased by, that’s sexy. If he makes me coffee, bring it to the bed with him, just shows that he cares, is sensitive to my needs. And sensitive guys are real sexy because being sensitive is not their greatest asset.

Most people consider what someone has sexually sexy. I don`t know about a lot of women, but guys , big boobs aren`t always fun. They can be annoying and get in the way. Plus they just lie there, they can`t do tricks. Well not unless the women trains them. I`m not into that.

Butts are known to be sexy. I admit a nice butt on a man is nice. Is it sexy? I guess in a way it is, it shows that he has a gift, if you want to call it that. Its not something that he has to have for me to think that he`s sexy.

Bodies are a big issue when dealing with being sexy, aren`t they? How many of us see a huge giant of a guy walking down the street and say, “ Hey, that’s, sexy!” Most of us won`t, I can bet anything on it, because with such people you have to get to know them first to see whats sexy. And while we are dealing with the issue of big, let me ask a critical question to all my women readers at this juncture. Does size matter? Most of you will answer yes. As for me, I don`t think so. My man does not have to be that well endowed for me to find him sexy. It’s a simple case of one man`s meat being other man`s poison because whats sexy to me needn`t be sexy to you.

God couldn`t grant us all beauty. He had to give it to special people. You know the ones, the ones that are too dumb to know what 2*2 is. The Greek God/Goddesses of the world that don`t know how to boil water. Yeah, those people had to be beautiful. I`m not saying that all beautiful people are stupid, don`t have to crucify me for that. I`m not against the good looking creed of this world. The ones that have to rely on their looks to get something out of life are the ones i`m speaking of.

Who really cares what a person looks like? I mean its nice that they are nice to look at. God bless them! But most of the good ones i`ve known are shallow, conceited and think they know it all. They think that we owe them something just because they have a beautiful body.

I`m not the most beautiful woman in this world. But I think its sexy that I know what I want from life, from my man, how I want to live. If I know how to please my man, how to make him think that he is a Greek God, that’s sexy. If I know how to love him like he needs to be loved, how to take care of him, that’s sexy. If I know how make him smile, laugh, how to make him feel special, that’s sexy. Its sexy if I know how to make him feel like a man. Being confident is sexy. Not being beautiful does not make me feel less sexy. Being a complete woman in my own right does make me sexy.

I`ve dated hunk before. It wasn`t fun. You turn into someone that isn`t you. I was worried about someone else getting my man; worried that someone would find him attractive. I`m not an insecure person thank you. I`m not a jealous person, i`m comfortable with who and what I am. It was just that he was so nice that I couldn`t get over the fact others were going to find him that way too.

What are your views on it? Do you find inner beauty better? Or do you base it on looks? Why is it, in the world that we live in people want to base a relationship on how someone looks instead of how someone is? What draws you to the person? What makes them stand out? What makes someone sexy? What do you think is sexy?


His arms around her. That's all she really wants, all she really needs. The ring he will slip onto her finger to claim her as his; the vows that will bind them to each other; the piece of paper that will tell the world that they belong to each other; the baby that his seed will create and her body will nurture - more than all of these, she needs him, his arms around her. In his arms is the promise of all of these things, and more. In his arms is the vow that he will love her, honour her, comfort and protect her, for all of his living days. In his arms is the caress that only a lover can give, brimming with passion and desire, but filled, too, with tenderness and warmth. In his arms is the longing to hold her forever and never let go. In his arms is his love for her, undying, unrelenting, unconditional. Only in his arms can she let herself love him with all of her heart, body, mind, soul. Only in his arms is she safe enough to open herself to him and to loving him, wholly and completely. Only in his arms can she make herself totally vulnerable, reassured by the knowledge that even at her weakest, he will keep her safe. In his arms she feels that she will never be alone again, because she is his and always will be.


"I love you," i said. "But that just isn't enough, not now," I tried toexplain. I had been going with him for over a year and had finally decided tobreak it off. I felt as though I would never get over him and that he was the one I was supposed to be with forever. It got messed up along the way somehow. I started wanting more and he couldn't give it. We were too different and I was growing up. No matter how hard I tried to explain to him that I still liked him it wasn't enough. Although I was the one to break it off, I cried.

One of my best friends was there to comfort me. I had known him for sixyears and we had been through our ups and downs but were still friends. He saw the softer side of me that day, a side that not too many people get to see. When I got home that day I was sad and in a horrible mood. I saw thepicture of my ex and cried, my heart sunk. I couldn't help thinking I had made a horrible mistake and I couldn't talk about it.

Starting the next day things got better. I started talking to someone I had really liked for seven months but hadn't dont anything about because I was with the guy I had just dumped. The more I talked to him the more I liked him. That night I was talking to a friend of mine on the net. We were talking about webcams and I remembered a collage I had made when my ex was over and opened it. It was a collection of pictures taken of him from different angles. I opened the file and felt nothing; and they were good pictures of him, the best he had ever taken. I suddenly realized that I hadn't really loved him. I was over him. I had been over him for a long time.
Almost two weeks had gone by and I was talking more often with my not sonew interest. We found out we had mutual feelings when a friend of mine told him what I felt. Our relationship grew stronger after that. I had never felt about anyone the way I felt about him, and it didn't fade. We started going out, and have been for almost a month. He is the mostwonderful person I have ever met. I never thought I'd love again, or at least not get over my ex. I was proved wrong. I would never love again because I had not been in love, not even strong like.

What was the point of writing this you may ask. No real point. I could be spending my time doing things that much need to be done. But this came into my head and I just started typing. Maybe it's the holiday spirit that's got me, I don't really know. ButI've never felt so happy. He's perfect and I don't know what I've done to deserve this. It must have been something real good, because things like this don't really happen that often. There really aren't any words to describe the way I feel when I'm aroundhim, or when I think about him. How can you really describe a feeling?

There is someone out there for you, not matter what you may think rightnow, or what you are going through. That special person will come into your life, maybe when you least expect it, but it'll happen. Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't. You have to enjoy it while you have it. Don't look back and regret, don't look forward and plan. Live your life for today. And show them how you really feel. It will make all the difference. Live today, love today, and be sure not to throw it all away.


Is there ever such a thing as “No Strings Attached?” Can a friendship between two people withstand casual sex? Or is that just an idealistic concept?

One night stands aren`t as in they used to be. Now lovers are coupling up for more long term sex. Its called “Friends with Benefits.” They get all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. They start out as friends. They enjoy each other`s company and then one night start sleeping together

They don`t date. Its not a traditional “significant other” type relationship. In many cases, the other friends are not even aware about their rendevouz on the side. Its set up as a mutual gratification, friends helping friends arrangement.

What most Friends with Benefits fail to do is set up the rules. It generally starts out as either happenstance or perhaps a small dialogue exchange, “I don`t have anyone, you don`t either, so lets do it, no strings attached. What do you think?” it all sounds well in good; at least initially when both are hornier than a unicorn. But can friends who sleep together remain friends once it ends? Or is the start of mutual sex the start of the end of their friendship?

Sex creates a bond, no matter how discussed up front it is. Someone always gets hurt on the end of a no strings attached, Friends with Benefits arrangement. Booty calls always start out with physical satisfaction as the sole purpose. Yet when two people share that kind of closeness, and if it’s a recurring buddy booty call, then they spend time together. Someone is doing something very intimate with and to the other. Who isn`t always appreciative of a good orgasm

One or both may know that they don`t want a commitment and that’s why the No Strings Attached agreement was conceived. But when the “ooh baby, yeah that feels so good, I love what you do to me” occurs regularly, how can they NOT start to feel something for the other? One person will inevitably feel a stronger emotional bond than the other; its not a male/female bias. One will still only love the physical benefits and the other will enjoy the great sex so much that they get attached, even though they weren`t looking for a relationship

Or perhaps one person may have always been secretly attached to the friend and knew the other didn`t want a relationship, yet figured a Friends with Benefits arrangement was better than nothing. Hence they verbally agree to the arrangement but emotionally they were already hooked.

Develop some rules before entering into any such arrangement. Consider these suggestions: No going out with each other if you can`t handle your desires, no public affection, no gifts and any other boundaries you want to instill. Before it starts, decide how it will end, if starting out as friends, the goal is to end as friends. If new love interests were previously discussed among friends, shouldn`t those types of conversations still be allowed? Always remember that you were friends first and lovers later. Try not to forget the friendship and don`t be overdemanding of each other.

Use your heads to consider wisely what may be lost and gained if you enter into a Friends with Benefits arrangement. Please remember that falling in love and falling in lust are two separate issues and should be dealt accordingly.


A perspective on love.

It's about choices. Sometimes you say yes because you want to and you
can and it's crazy and beautiful and wonderful. Sometimes you say no
because you're frightened and you can't and it's crazy and beautiful
and wonderful.
A candle flame that flickers and swells, rising and falling like the
aching breaths of lovers' sighs.
It's light from a thousand golden stars and darkness that caresses and
It's the taste of the rain on your lips and the sound of crinkling
It's about snow angels and Christmas tree stars and hot chocolate and
mittens on strings.
It's about sailboats and oceans and horses and flowers.
Love is laughter that just can't stop, tears that well and fall away.
It's smiles that linger and smiles that are traded from my lips to
yours as they meet in a kiss.
Love is the sound of waves breaking on rocks and wind gushing through
trees and the notes of our song and your name on my lips.
Love is the meeting of souls that are thousands of times older and wiser
than we are.
Love is me throwing myself at you, my youth, my passion, my exuberance,
my heart and soul, my strengths and frailties, and knowing you will
catch me.
Love is me opening my arms to you and opening my heart to you and all
that you are and all that you've been or will be, and to all that you
Love is offering all that I can give and risking everything that I have.
Love is deciding to live.
**To the man you are in your dreams... from the woman I am in mine. I
love you.**


You are touching the dreaded thirty. Your biological clock is ticking away. Now is the time to settle down, get married and have kids. "BECOME A MOTHER". Pray, why? Because that is what each and every woman strives to be to feel complete. How many of you young women out there have heard these ominous words? Most of us, i think.

So the point that everybody is trying to drive home is that the only way I can feel complete as a woman is to have children. Nothing else matters. Whatever hard work that i have put in all these years comes to a naught, just because i do not want to have children. Not today, not tomorrow but never.

I have always maintained that I lack the maternal gene. I do not have the requisite qualities to raise a child, be unconditional and sacrificing. So when I say this, I get these funny looks from everyone including my contemporaries. According to them, there is definitely and obviously something wrong with me physically and psychologically.

There are so many prejudices attached to this particular decision of not having children. There's a tidal wave of pressure in our society to have children and many child free women still experience the basic assumption among parents that if you dont have children, its because you cant have them, not because you dont want them.it is just assumed that every woman on this planet wants to produce a progeny. Gimme a break people!!!!!!!!

Its because of such kinds of assumptions that i realized that i must find immense strength inside myself. I need to state without flinching that i choose not to be a mother and for that i have to find great strength within myself to face this prejudice. And here is what i would like to emphasize. I have a strong sense of confidence and self love to know that i am a worthy person and a complete woman. I choose not to have children but that does not mean i cant love other children. I will find ways to give back what the society has given me without being tied down to a role and a responsibility for which i am not suited.

Sometimes i see women being bullied by their partners or immediate family to go in for motherhood. And the plea/threat is always the same. "If you love me, you will give me the child i want". Well women could just as well ask, "If you love me, why do you want me to bear a child that i dont want". But most often women dont ask. They dont stand up for themselves or for their bodies who would have to go through the trauma of childbirth. I feel that if a woman succumbs to this overpowering ambivalence, she is setting herself up for a very difficult time ahead. Some women may become well-adapted mothers but others may remain unhappy and cause confusion and unhappiness for her child. And if you are doing it for your partner's sake, hello, then its a double whammy, because you could be putting the entire relationship in jeopardy. The two of the lousiest reasons I can think of for having babies are:
1. i did it for him
2. i did it for the sake of marriage.
Hey, woman wake up now!!!!!!!What does "doing it for him" really do for you anyway? Lets be honest: it lets you off the hook. When the kid is too much to handle, the first thing you will say is: "you wanted this child". No kid should ever hear that, and no mother should ever say that. So do not have children for his sake. Have them for "us" sake if you have to.

In today's world women need to choose what will give them satisfaction, peace of mind and happiness. If by bringing in a child into this world can threat all of this, trust me, you are better off without them.. We women have been conditioned from our earliest childhood with the notion that one day we will become mothers. We end up with little voices inside us telling that we arent complete women, our partners wont love us, our parents will be disappointed if we dont have children. But the need of the hour is that if i have made this decision, then i need to quiten these voices and move on. Just ask yourself this: Do i see myself as a person, a mother who would love to have little lives to mould, noses to wipe, nursery rhymes to read? No. He, he, he, darlin, you do not need children.

So, in the end it is my choice, my decision whether i want a child in my life or not. And i decide not to have one, neither to adopt one. I dont know what the future has in store for me, but as of today I believe I am a complete woman in a healthy relationship with career aspirations and goals to achieve and i dont want a child to bog me down at this particular stage of my life.
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