SEX...AN ACT OR FEELING?

Sex can be many different things. It can be a weapon, a game, an
adventure, a means of self-expression, an end to loneliness, for
procreation, a stress-reliever, a way to get closer to someone, or a
way to drive them away.

We are animals, but also have the ability to do things beyond instinct,
and can choose to act or not act accordingly.

We also live in an age when relationships come and go at light speed.
You can sit in front of a computer and within minutes enter a chat room
and start masturbating with a stranger 2000 miles away. You can find
hundreds of people looking for sex, but the feeling afterwards is often
one of profound emptiness, so you look for another high, and sex itself
becomes a drug.

Maybe the best sex is the comfortable, easy kind in a relationship, when
you have some sense of awareness of the effect on others, not just your
lover, but your family, friends, and who you are.

When all is said and done, you have to live with yourself, and if that
relationship, the most important one of your life, is soured, life can
get very dreary indeed.

Perhaps the best sex you'll ever have is by yourself, when you love and
care for yourself. When you can invite someone you care for to share
this love and acceptance, that is truly satisfying.










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FRIENDS

TO MY TWO BEST FRIENDS Y AND S :


Friends will come and friends will go. Some you never really know.

But a friend for life is worth a pot of gold. And that friend you better
hold.

Squeeze them tight, hold on for life. And that friend will help
eliminate strife.

Tell them yours joys as well as your fears. And that friend will stay
through the tears.

So this poem is for you, my friend in deed. Fore you have always been
there if I was in need.









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DOES MARRIAGE WORK???

I suppose it's an familiar question asked of newly weds when they've
been married for a few months. Already married people might be asking
for reassurances because either their's hasn't or has. People about to
be married might be looking for a different kind of reassurance or
maybe even an excuse to change their mind. Some of the more cynical out
there may even say people are looking for reassurance that it's
something that should never be done by sane people. Me, I think it's
been the best thing in the world to happen to me.

As a single woman I would have described myself as a friendly person to
the opposite sex, I enjoyed their company and they certainly enjoyed
mine. Having a well paid job and being able to hold a conversation must
have certainly made up for my average looks. To say that when I met
my husband 6 months prior to us actually getting married I heard
explosions and fireworks would be a complete untruth. We never fell
hopelessly in love, we never walked about on clouds and heard angels
sing by any stretch of the imagination. All through my single life I've
never actually thought to myself that 'This is the one,' but I've
always been able to say that, 'This isn't the one,' Until I met my husband
that is.

If you read the romantic trashy novels and watch the Bollywood slush
films then you'd think true love comes with adoring and being adored
but with me and my husband I can't honestly say that. Sure I'm incredibly attracted to my husband and we enjoy a good physical life, but there's so much more to our relationship than that. I'm sure when my own looks begins to wane and his attraction is replaced by a remote in his hand
then the real foundation that we've built our relationship upon will show it's true worth.

To say our marriage is the celebration of a fantastic friendship would
be an massive understatement. We don't share the same interests but we
are interested in what each other likes and wishes to partake in. We
don't hate what each other hates and love what the other loves.
We respect that each other has friends who enjoy our company and
because of that we share a good relationship. We don't own each other
and probably wouldn't want to. We're both good at something that the
other isn't and that's what makes it such a good relationship.

Too many times we see domestic arguments rage between couples about the
stupidest of things. Sure dropping paint on a carpet whilst decorating
the bathroom that the wife asked you to paint on a sunday morning when
you wanted to walk the dog instead could cause a massive argument, but
it can be cleaned easily. Even the car she scrapped on the garage wall
that she can never back into can be repaired quite cheaply. But we must remember that the energy we spend on arguing on mindless issues can be channelized into more constructive topics like career for example. Also saying sorry should not be a big deal in a relationship. In the same way remember to say at least once a day that you love your spouse.

A marriage is a partnership, if you ran a business with a business
colleague you'd make that partnership work, at any cost. You wouldn't set up such an
arrangement with somebody just because you thought they were cute, so
why would you with a marriage? It takes a lot to make your marriage work.....patience, adjustments. compassion, humility, friendship and of course LOVE.

MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK AT ALL COST!!!! ITS WORTH IT.....TRULY.










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THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR

Here is a list of things I am thankful for :

Happiness

I haven't had a lot of happiness in my life. I first had to learn to like
myself once again. For a long time I did not like myself very much
because the people around me were always making me feel like nothing. I
know I am something. I can look in the mirror today and like myself
again. To me that is a success.

Friends

I try to be a good friend. Sometimes people think that I am too caring
or too nice. I like to listen and if someone needs help, I am usually
there.

My Job

I like my job. I love dentistry. I'm proud to be a doctor. I like the fact that I'm able to bring a smile on a patient's face when I relieve him/her from the pain. Some people might think my job is boring but when I see a patient's face light up when I do a good treatment. That to me
is a triumph!

Money

I don't worship money. I know I need it to pay my bills but other than
that I do not look down on people without it. I think people put too
much emphasis on status and wealth, that makes the rest of us suffer in
ways like if your clothes are not designer label sometimes you get put
down. So what I shop Westside and Shopper's Stop sometimes, I am
glad I have clothes on my back! Even socks!

In the grand scheme of things, who the hell cares where I buy my pants!

Caring

I care about people. I see so many people rushing around being rude.
Pushing and shoving to get stuff. That is rude. I don't understand
rudeness and somehow it is almost a sign of being cool in this society.
What a world it would be if we all were kind to each other.

Its not a weakness to be kind. Its a strength. It is easy to be rude.
Very.

Love

Love is beautiful and I think falling in love is a precious gift from
Heaven. I'm glad to have him in my life.

Life

Enjoy each day like a gift and treat others as you would want to be
treated.

P.S. Dear all, this is my last post on the blog for some time now. I'm getting married this month. Pease wish me all the luck. I need it. thank you so much for reading my blog and leaving your comments. its been a lovely association and I hope to return back to blogging as soon as my new life permits me.







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SECURE IN YOUR LOVE

Secure In Your Love I feel

Radiant,

peaceful,

changed,

blissful,

anticipating,

naughty,

rippling,

carefree,

succulent,

corny,

cheerful,

romantic,

fulfilled,

nourished,

forced out sometimes,

flourished,

loved,

cherished,

treasured,

desired,

these are a few

of the emotions

I experience from being

secure in your love.







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THE GOOD OLD DAYS

People love to talk about days gone by. Like they were heaven-sent and glorious.
Pure and playful. Full of colours and joys!
Have you ever wondered why our parents generation keeps reminiscing about the quintessential good old days?????
I am sure that people were people then too. Just with a whole lot less stuff!!!!!
Remember the way people used to sit around the verandahs, balconies, their door steps and watch the world passing by?????
Do you see much of this these days? Do you even know your neighbours?????
When was the last time you spoke to a distant cousin of yours in america????
When was the last time you wrote a letter instead of posting your good news on twitter, facebook, orkut or your blog??????
No wonder then our grandparents and parents miss the good old days when life was more about emotions, humanity and simplicity!!!!!! Not the dry materialistic tech savvy life like we and our children are living today.

I challenge you to take one week out of your busy life and do nothing!

Just sit on your balcony, door step, front lawn, whatever, and listen.

Try to imagine your life with out electricity. Would it change the way
you breathe? The way you feel the warmth of the sun? The scent of
flowers and trees blooming in springtime? Of course not! We just take
these things for granted and we got too busy with our stuff to take the
time out to smell the roses. like the famous lines:
"Life is nothing if full of care
We have no time to stand and stare"!!!!!

The good old days were hard, no doubt about it. People didn't have the good health care and technology that we and they have today.
But....they did have time to enjoy what was around them
They took walks in the park, went to temples, gurudwaras, churches, did charity,nursed the sick and joined the army. God and country were valued and land was a legacy to be treasured.
A man's land was his own and could not be taken away by greedy developers and politicians to make profits. People were made of different stuff then.

Today, people are just living in a virtual illusion of materialism and the media brainwashes us into wanting more "stuff" to make our lives better. There is a race in every sphere of life. Nobody wants to be second in anything. We are living in a world of unhealthy competition. Its just that the realization has not dawned upon us. And when it does it will be too late to turn human beings once again.

The truth is people were much happier then but just didn't know it. We allowed the
media to tell us what to think and we gave up a piece of ourselves.

I think the good old days have something to teach us. They are telling us to be human beings again. Those days are telling us to be quiet again, stop, take a breath and think of yourself.

And please, turn off that damn cell phone...

AND...listen to the birds sing!







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A LETTER TO PAPA

Dear Papa,

I've just realized that in less than 4 months from now I will no longer be your little girl. I will be happily walking down the married path with the man who has made all the difference in my life.
This letter is just to tell you how lucky I am to be born as your daughter. Thank you for bringing me in to this world, thank you for instilling the right values into me…..thank you for giving me two elder sisters who have been both friends and mentors to me....
Thank you for teaching me to have high standards in life, to work hard and try harder, to have confidence in myself, to be proud of my religion and culture and thank you for always believing in me and letting me be me.
Thank you for making me understand what hard work really means. To appreciate the simple things in life. Never to succumb to comparisons in life. To always put family first. It's a bitter-sweet time for me, as I begin to build a new home of my own and leave a home where I have always been your princess. At one hand the new life beckons me and on the other hand my old, carefree life is slipping away from me. I'll be stepping into a new role of adulthood, into a new role of a wife with lot of new relationships in life and I've had the best example watching you and mom. Your love for each other and the understanding you two share never ceases to surprise me. I just hope I’ll be able to emulate the same love and understanding with my partner.

I'm glad I'll have you to hold my hand while I walk down the path of marriage and step into a new world. I can't promise you that I will not cry at the bidai, but I do promise that you'll always be my hero.
I might get a new last name, but I won't forget where I came from.
I am and I will always be your daughter first, Papa.

Your doll






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LESSONS IN LIFE

There comes a time in ones life where the realization that perfection in
ones life does not exist. The possibility that we aren't perfect,
never were perfect and never will be perfect becomes more clear and
more evident then ever before.

Where what we believe and the way we live no longer come hand in hand.
Our beliefs whether it be religious or otherwise, and what we actually
do. We do as we want, or at least in some ways seeming so, maybe out
of a discrete curiosity to serve our own hunger, or because of a need
to satisfy someone else's desires or dreams. Where we see what we want
and not what others want us to see.

There comes a time in ones life where we must face the reality that we
are living life itself, and that life is not living us. Our fate has
not been predetermined, it is not set in stone. We can at any time
change the direction we lead ourselves, we can at any time decide which
road to follow. We become blind to these roads, head down them not
knowing what is hiding beyond the curves. Sometimes finding great
things, other times finding things we'd rather keep hidden. We find
things out about ourselves we'd rather not, things we thought we were
incapable of. It comes down to it, that we are not invisible from
things great or small, good or bad, evil or kind.

The importance of these roads leads us in many directions, teaching us
Life Lessons great and small. These lessons help us to learn and
without them, our realization if life would be much harder to help us
in the next road. The lesson, the triumph or mistake, there is
something to be learnt from it, to be taken away from it. Things do
happen for a reason.

We have the choice to dream, to believe and to believe in our dreams.
At times it may seem hard to grasp that what we believe is right in
front of us. Yet at times it is even harder to hold on to what we
have.

Life is a journey that never ends. It has no destination, no arrival
time and many stops along the way, each one giving us something to take
along with us for the ride. There are those that wait for us at each
stop. Those I believe that have been put there to serve a purpose.
Not all these people are with us for the duration of our journey; some
are there for short periods to teach us something specific, while
others are there to help us through a trying time and to provide
comfort in times of need. These people; friends, teachers, loved ones,
are there for a day, a week, a month. Some are there for longer, they
become the ones we share our lives with, a best friend, a lover,
someone who becomes a permanent part of our being, a part of our heart,
and our soul. They are the ones we gave a part of ourselves to. They
are there to give you life, bring you joy, and even bring you sorrow.
They may stay with you or they may go their separate ways. Because
life is a journey and because it is ours to follow, because it leads us
in many directions with new, different and exciting things to learn,
explore and experience, it sometimes takes us away from these friends.
As they find their own life, we find ourselves growing apart from them.
They do however leave that mark in our lives, in what we do and how we
do it, how we see things, in our heart and in our soul, serving the
purpose ultimately brought to them.

We ourselves are brought here to serve a purpose, one that is unknown
till the right time comes. As it is that we are brought here to serve
a purpose it is also obvious that we are brought here to experience a
wide range of emotions. Happiness, sadness and most importantly of all
LOVE. With love coming from many different aspects in our life,
whether it be family, friends or a lover, it in itself can bring a wide
range of feelings that can come with it. From the certain love of
family, the feelings of friendship, the feeling of having someone to
share all your most prized achievements, and accomplishments, you're
deepest secrets and just someone to share special moments with.
Although all these are the epitome of love the most sacred of all loves
comes from that of a lover, one you can allow yourself to call a
friend, to call family, feelings ranging from lust, romance and true
feelings of everlasting love.

As I sit here reading and writing what I have seem to have learned in my
short time on my journey, I look back and realize that I have a whole
lot more traveling to do, with so much more to explore. My purpose in
life not yet found. My mistakes in life plentiful and very evident,
the lessons learned from them more so.

Through all these experiences and Life Lessons, the biggest things I've
come out of all my journey so far is to never to let anyone discourage
you, don't let someone tell you that you can't do it. Chances are,
they tried and they failed. You never know what you're good at till
you try it, and just because you don't get it the first time, doesn't
mean you'll never get it. Do for yourself first, live your life, live
your dreams, and become your deepest desires. Don't let those with
ambition discourage, they'll only hold you down. Don't be in a hurry
to grow up, there's always time for that, but you can never turn back,
it's never too late to fulfill a dream. Love like you've never loved,
cause you never know what may come of it, and finally dance like no one
else is watching cause it's your dance.






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STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!

To say that I am appalled would be an understatement.
Recently one of my friends (who happens to be educated and working as well), who is seven months pregnant was forced to undergo a sex determination test by her in laws and husband.. The result was not surprising….its a girl child and my friend has been told to give up the child to her husband’s sister who cannot have children….
What’s the argument and logic behind this forced decision of theirs on her?
Well my friend can have another child after some time. And she has to deliver a male child otherwise the marriage is over. And since the relative in picture cannot have any children, so she would be happy even with a girl child.

Now I know the husband very well, he’s a software engineer working for one of the biggest IT companies in the world and that is what has traumatized me even more. What forced him to behave in this inhuman manner is something which I’m not able to take…does having a son mean so much that you can go to such extents as to give up your child ? Which father does that and which husband forces his wife to give up their child and not feel remorseful about it….The day the child is born will she not tug at her fathers heart??? I asked my friend this question...Here is what she told me
The husband has already told my friend that he does not wish to see the child!!!!!
And what about you....I asked her....
Well, she said, she does not have a say in this matter, if she rebels the marriage is over.....and she would not like to burden her parents who still have two more daughters to marry....
Iwonder what will that girl feel when she grows up and comes to know that she was given up by her own father for a brother????

I am so upset that I don’t even know how to react…I mean if people from such affluent and educated back grounds can resort to all this then what hopes do we have for the girl child??? When I was told all this by her I asked her why did she agree??? Isnt it high time that we women stand up for our rights ? Who are they to tell us that we cant keep our daughter with us? Isnt it time that we stop abusing our bodies just to produce a male child??? What if thenext child is also a girl….do we go in for third???? And if that too is a girl then what???? How can we let someone do this to us???? Whats the use of education and financial independence if we, women are just looked upon as procreating machines and that too with specifications (produce only male child)???? Ha!!!! Has not education, self empowerment, opuurtunities and financial independence helped us to overcome these prejudices. Looks it has not, otherwise you and I would not have heard of this thing happening right in front of our eyes.

I don’t know why my friend gave in to this kind of pressure??? Does this marriage mean so much to her that she is ready to give up her child for its sake???? I told her, you are educated, you earn well, you can look after your daughter and yourself and not be a burden on your parents....She asked me that she does not wish to live with a social taboo of being known as a divorcee and what will she tell her daughter about her father....that he left her mother because of her....what impact will this have on her as a person???? She asked me, what if she blames me when she grows up and knows all this....she told me that she would not be able to tackle all that so its better to put and end to it right now.... I was a little taken aback with her reasoning but then how much can you question and argue with someone who has already made up her mind....Even friendships have limits...

All I know is that we cannot do this to ourselves…we owe it to us to stand up against this. What is even more unbelievable is that all this has been done knowing very well that this is a punishable offence under IPC. Inspite of knowing it these people went ahead with this. I am ashamed to say that this is status of laws in our country. None of this will get reported, no action will be taken against the doctor, the husband, the inlaws, no one…..

Speaking for myself, I know that I will never undergo a sex test no matter what happens. And if producing a male child is the be all and end all of being married I refuse to be tied down in this sort of matrimony where I am looked upon as nothing but a child – excuse me – a male child producing machine. I’d rather walk out of such kind of marriage where so many prejudices are harboured against the woman and girl……I will not give up my identity as a woman just to sustain this relationship which anyways will be a farce if it comes with this kind of baggage...Thanks but No, thanks......

I just wish my friend had the guts to stand up against this but today I’m praying that God gives her strength to overcome this and also courage to stand up for herself in future. Because if we dont stand up for ourselves no one else will!!!!!!!

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WALKING AWAY

She had swore that she wouldn't, she would never let it happen to her,she wasn't like the other girls, she was different, at times she thought better even. But he was special. He was like no one else she had ever met. She had tried so hard to stay away from him, knowing it was wrong, knowing she would be going against everything she stood for, everything she had believed in. But to her it seemed impossible. She felt drawn to him, attracted to him so strongly that when he was around she couldn't think straight. All she could see was him, all she could feel was him, there was no one else except him.

She still remembered it all so clearly like it was yesterday. Every time she closed her eyes he was there. His perfect face grinning at her, his bright brown eyes burning into hers. If she tried hard enough she could almost remember how it felt to touch him, to feel him next to her. The first time she had seen him she knew he was different, not like the many others that she knew. He had touched her heart, brought down the barriers that she had worked night and day to build. His every presence, his every touch, every tender caress had knocked them down one by one.

She remembered the first time she had met him. Her cousin had brought him and his mom over to their house. She had nearly slammed the door on him without realising he was there. But once she had seen him she knew that she wouldn't ever forget him. He was imprinted in her head for as long as she remembered those wonderful memories. Sometimes it drove her crazy thinking about all the times they had shared, all the things they had done together. But what tore away at her heart was the memories of what it felt to kiss him, to hold him, to make love to him.

She remembered the first time he had kissed her. They were standing in her drawing room. He had brought her home from a movie. She was surprised at how the whole time they were there he hadn't made a move on her. To an extent she was even disappointed. But now here they were standing opposite each other. He kept on saying he was leaving; yet he made no attempt to move towards the door. She had teased him saying she would see him tomorrow, asking why he hadn't left yet, what was stopping him. He said goodbye once again as he moved towards her. He had moved until he was inches away from her face. She felt his hot breath on her face. “You know, I'm not leaving without a kiss” he said huskily staring into her eyes. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat; she looked at him then to his lips. She knew it was wrong, her brain was telling her to run, to stop this before it started, to get away from him as far as possible. But she froze to the spot and whispered, “Well what are you waiting for then?” Her heart pounded as he moved even closer towards her and reached out his hand to touch her face. He brushed the strands of hair that fell into her eyes. He gently caressed the side of her cheek down to her chin. Tracing his fingers around her face until he found her lips. He gently brushed his fingers over them looking at her so intensely, she felt unable to breath. She felt his fingers on her lips and yearned for his lips to touch hers. He finally brought his face closer to hers; she tilted her head waiting for him. He placed his lips on hers and she parted her lips to receive him. She felt his lips crush hers; she felt a rush through her whole body. She could feel the sensation take over her whole body as he continued to kiss her even intensely. She moved her body closer towards him until she could feel her chest press against his. She felt his arms around her as the kiss deepened. She felt her whole body awaken, every fibre in her body was responding to his touch. It was all she could do to pull away from him, trying to catch her breath. He stood there perfectly still, smiling at her. “You know next time, that's not going to be enough” he said as he reached his head forwarded and planted one final kiss on her cheek before he left. She knew exactly what he had meant and her heart skipped a beat at the prospect of what was to come.

The tears rolled down her cheek now as she remembered those memories,those wonderful memories that were going to torture her for as long as she remembered him. She wiped away the tears and looked around at the room. The room, which she had shared with him. She tried to block out the memories of both of them together smiling, laughing, and crying. She looked around the room from the cupboard where he kept his clothes to his desktop where he worked, until her eyes rested on the double bed that they had shared. Her breath caught in her throat as she replayed the many occasions that they had spent making love. She remembered his every touch as if he was touching her for the first time again. The pain was unbearable and she had to look away. She walked over to the door where her bags were packed. She bent down and picked them up. She turned around for one final look before she locked the door. She walked away slowly at first, then faster wanting to get away. She knew it was the right thing to do. She had nothing left to stay here for now. As she walked away, she knew that this very second he was marrying her cousin, making the lifetime commitment that he should be making to her.


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BLISSFUL TURMOIL

Oh the unexplainable feeling of being completely in love...

Letting go of all inhibitions and giving all yourself to another person,

Seeing their smile and knowing that all your problems are gone,

Melting completely at the gentle caresses ot their voice,

The touch of their hand calming all fears churning inside you,

Feeling invincible in their arms,

Losing ability to breathe when you see their face,

Then, you look into their eyes, the windows to their very soul,

Knowing from the silent words spoken there that they too are lost in the wonderfully blissful turmoil we call LOVE...

P.S. This post comes from the fact that I am engaged now :D

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WHAT I WANT FROM LIFE

What do I want from life? I’ve really been trying hard to figure this out and know what I want. And I think that figuring this out is something that everyone should probably do. But it really is hard to figure out. I don’t even think I know it all yet...but still, what do I want?
I guess I’ll start what I know:

• I want to be the type of person who is liked and respected by others.
• I want to experience love, savour it and keep it with me for the rest of my life
• I want my life to make sense.
• I want closure, to be able to forgive and forget.
• I want to enjoy what I know of life.
• I want to make a difference as a human being.

And I think that, above all, I just want to be happy.
Truly happy.
The kind of happy that comes from fulfillment and contentment from what I have in life. That is what I want. But how do I get happiness? I think equally important to knowing that I want happiness in life is knowing how to get it.

So, then for my next question...What makes me happy? This I’ve discovered, is all about the little things. So, what makes me happy?

• reading a really good book
• eating tonnes of ice cream
• the autumn in Kolkata
• gossiping with my sisters
• being alone, with all the space I need to think
• watching a really, really good movie
• having deep conversations with someone I didn’t know could think that way
• laying in bed after a hard day of work, knowing that I really accomplished something
• realizing that I truly care about someone and that that vulnerability is ok with me
• learning something new and cool
• hanging out with friends who know EXACTLY who I am and don’t care
• laughing so hard that I feel like I’ve been doing sit-ups

There’s so much more that makes me happy, but in reality, most of those things are the smaller details in life. Maybe that’s just what I have to focus on - the little things. Just living. Making the most of what I have right now.Granted, I don’t know if being happy is the meaning to life, perhaps it’s not - but I don’t know of any other way to go right now, and at least this gives me something to fashion my life around right now...


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I AM WHO I AM

I am a child making mistakes
I am an adult who is living my life
I am a human that bleeds when hurt
I am a person who cries when truly touched
I am the average one that everyone over looks
I am the eye that catches your glance
I am the blush that catches you off guard
I am the woman before your eyes
I am a mother who protects the weak
I am a daughter for my parents to guide
I am a sister when there is no where else to turn to
I am a lover that caresses in ways you dream of
I am a friend to those who wish it
I am a student so that I may learn
I am a teacher so that I may teach
I am the answer to the questions unasked
I am the question to answers unfound
I am a tree rooted in the forest
I am a cloud drifting by
I am a grain of sand ever shifting
I am a flame flickering in the breeze
I am a healer so that I may help
I am a hag who is there to nag
I am a people watcher so I may truly see
I am a psychic so that I can see beyond myself
I'm a soul searcher that knows who I really am
I am who I am
So who are you?

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LOVE - A GIFT

She sat across the room from him, hugging her knees to her chest as she sat on the pillows. With him, yet in another world.
Wrapped in the white fluffy robe he had so lovingly purchased for her on their first night together, she observed yet didn't intrude.
She watched as his fingers slid back and forth across the strings.
One hand gently plucking while the other moved of it's own accord.
The sound was soulful, magical.
His head bent, he studied his movements, lost within the rhythm he alone could hear in his head and his entire body flowed with the creation.
While he didn't know it, this was the true gift she wanted to receive.
To know him like no one else.
Within his own element, in the seclusion of the music room he was not pressured to be what everyone expected him to be, but to just be himself.
This is the way she loved him.
This was the man that had brought about such a change in her life.
They had both gone to such distances to get to each other.
To be just what each other had needed, had longed for forever.
The feeling of comfort and excitement, both flowing at the same time.
To know just what each other desired with a look.
"Just what do you have?" people would ask, and all she could do was smile.
"Was it worth all of the changes?" people would ask, and he would smile back.
No words were needed.

As if reading her thoughts he stilled his hands and looked up at her.
"I love you."
And she smiled.


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ALL ABSOLUTE

It never seemed to slip so damn easily.
Never before had the way been lost with such routine.
Again and again we fall into the lightless drudge of our worldly lives.
See only the harsh, well-defined aspects of an agreed upon society.
Feel only the lying, cheating souls of some sort of ‘moral decay'.
Dwell upon forces of chaotic pain and inextinguishable guilt for loved ones.
Living and acting in relationships framed of pride and the deepest jealousy.
Endlessly running to our jobs that make us sick to provide for the families we never have time to see or love.
And yet we wonder ‘what the hell could be wrong?'
The realization is in the release of all these patterns of illogical behavior.
Yet that is not enough, we must also abandon our logic.
We can always glimpse the divine, but never can our eyes rest upon it.
Those moments of pure harmony with all that is, are the moments we must hold on to.
When the formerly separate and indescribable becomes crystal clear and all attempts at any Euclidian logic are worthless.
This eternal loss of time and aspect is the true nature of god and ourselves.
It's the point at which our self is dissolved into the endlessness of our world and a true peace may be found.
To truly live we must accept both and all aspects of our lives and hold them with the same importance and gravity as all the rest.
We must understand that good, evil, truth, and lies are all aspects of the same, none of which are relative but all are absolute.

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MOMENTS

Life is about Moments.
I read somewhere that “life is not about the amount of breaths we take but about the moments that take our breath away”.
Is that really true?
I guess every moment changes us.
Every instance in our lives stays with us.
It leaves marks whether we want it to or not.
Whether we decide to accept it or ignore it
It happened.
That moment did take place.
And very few have the strength to accept it and move with it.
While others pretend like it never happened.....

I don't know which one of those people I am.
I do have magic momentsthat I have experienced whether it was on my own sitting in my room, or with people close to me,or having complete strangers whisper words of encouragement when the world seemed to be against me.
Whether it was my nephew staring at me with his innocent eyes, oblivious to the vices of this world or my dog sitting at my feet while I cried.
God knows what it was but it did happen.
And when instances such as these do take place. I do feel there is more out there than me.
There is more to life than those little instances that caused me hurt or pain.
And the world doesnt feel like such a bad place after all.
I tell myself "I will survive" and then I smile...
Looking at the sky and seeing the birds fly when I have been stuck in traffic for over 30 minutes is a sight that could put a smile on my face.
The stress is forgotten for that moment.
So magic moments do really exist I guess for me.
When I'm feeling like the entire world is coming down on my head,
When I just want to get out but I don't know where to go,
I go and sit on my roof.
I watch the sky, the birds, I always see the clouds in the form of animals. I
have seen horses and rabbits and wolves.
And I wonder What is the significance of it all?
The more I think about it the further I am away from the pain that put me there in the first place.
I see the birds flying above me and it puts a smile on my face.
So then I think and I wonder why I let things upset me to a point where I have to isolate myself to see such beauty in the simplicity of life which is free and for all of us.
How hard is it for one to sit under a tree and look at the sky?
How hard is it for us to appreciate the basic things in life we take for granted.
And then, what meaning do each of us derive from this experience?
So many questions I have and to most of them I don't have the answers.
And I wonder when will the day come when I learn the difference between
"knowing the path and walking the path".



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WE ARE MADE OF STARS

You are the stuff of stars.
A corney come-on line?
Yes. But its also a scientific fact.
Look at your hand, you'll see skin, hair, maybe a couple of nails.
If you could see closer, you'd find a mix of molecules, made up of oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon. Do you know where these base elements come from?
Scientists have hypothesized that the entire periodic chart, every base element of the universe, was actually the byproduct of a star going nova.
You, me, all of us, we were a part of a star.
We weren't at the corona, not the part one could've seen, we were all deep within a star-once. Perhaps once we provided light to warm a planet.
Perhaps across some great distance, two creatures look at us, looked at each other, and knew that they were in love.
We were a star.
We are a part of the universe, we always will be.
We are all part of this universe.
This realization, this understanding, should both daunt and awe you.
Awe, in your importance, and then daunt, in the weight it requires in dealing with others.
For they were a part of that star with us.
They are just as unique, just as important as we are.
They may be confused by this, they may forget this.
They may not treat others with the kindness, and importance which this demands others be treated.
But they were still part of that same star that we were, once.


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PAIN

Pain is a teacher.
It can blind you or it can teach you.
When you receive pain, often times, you have a choice.
You can let your pain blind you to that pain in others.
Or you can use it to learn to help yourself, and understand others.
You are not perfect.
There will be many times when you fail to live up to being the sort of person you want to be, but that doesn't mean you should give up.
There will be times in your life when you feel pain so intense, you don't think you can go on.
It will make you want to say, "To hell with it".
For if they can't help you with your pain, why would you choose to help someone else with theirs?
Life is short, right?
That trap is one of life's most insidious. But if you can somehow drive through it, you can gain a divine understanding.

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INDIVIDUALITY

The earth is never in the same place, twice.
A lot of people get confused by this, but its actually the most important thing I've ever learned. The earth is rotating around the sun, but people forget that the sun is rotating.
It is changing its relative position every moment of every day.
And while you might look around, and think you are in the same place you were yesterday, you have moved.
Others have traveled with you, but they have moved as well.
Every one has different experiences, everyone learns something different, and learns differently, along their travels.
No one in the world, or in the history of mankind, understands things quite like you do.
This makes you, and everyone else, specifically unique in the history of the universe.
This is not something to be afraid of.
We are all different, but it is these differences that teach us about ourselves.
About what is important, and what isn't.
Far too many people worry about being normal, about hiding the things that make them feel embarrassed, or awkward.
This is not right.
It is those differences that teach us, and show us what it means to be human.
It is the differences that both define us, and unite us.
The emotions we all seek, the love we all need.
The desire to hold and be held.
That is the nature of humanity.
Always seperate from another, but always the same.

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GIRLS AND WOMEN, BOYS AND MEN

My friend recently had a baby girl. This got me started on thinking on what I would want to tell any daughters I might have in the future, so I started trying to think of what it was important to tell someone I cared about, who was just starting to date.These are the things which I had picked up and figured out in my life as a girl and woman.

Women mature faster then boys, but only physically.
Older boys feedthe 'mature faster' line to younger girls for two reasons.
One, they know older boyfriends are status symbols for younger girls; and two, they know younger girls are more malleable - so they can probably get them to do what they want.
It is not a sign of social status to be dating a 25 year old when you are 17.
It means you are gullible and naive, and he's being contemptous of you as a person.
It probably also means he doesn't think he's good enough to be with an adult.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Boy's lie, men don't . . . (well, not as often).
Boys just want you to not be mad at them, (at least right now).
They tend to think in the short term, and always like to live in the moment.
They can be a lot of fun.
You just don't want to rely on them.
Men know that eventually - what they do and the type of person they are is going to catch up to them.
It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but its still going to be out there.
They also know its better to have a small fight today, then a big fight tomorrow.
Or a huge fight next week. Or a divorce in a year.

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