Sunday, January 31, 2010


I suppose it's an familiar question asked of newly weds when they've
been married for a few months. Already married people might be asking
for reassurances because either their's hasn't or has. People about to
be married might be looking for a different kind of reassurance or
maybe even an excuse to change their mind. Some of the more cynical out
there may even say people are looking for reassurance that it's
something that should never be done by sane people. Me, I think it's
been the best thing in the world to happen to me.

As a single woman I would have described myself as a friendly person to
the opposite sex, I enjoyed their company and they certainly enjoyed
mine. Having a well paid job and being able to hold a conversation must
have certainly made up for my average looks. To say that when I met
my husband 6 months prior to us actually getting married I heard
explosions and fireworks would be a complete untruth. We never fell
hopelessly in love, we never walked about on clouds and heard angels
sing by any stretch of the imagination. All through my single life I've
never actually thought to myself that 'This is the one,' but I've
always been able to say that, 'This isn't the one,' Until I met my husband
that is.

If you read the romantic trashy novels and watch the Bollywood slush
films then you'd think true love comes with adoring and being adored
but with me and my husband I can't honestly say that. Sure I'm incredibly attracted to my husband and we enjoy a good physical life, but there's so much more to our relationship than that. I'm sure when my own looks begins to wane and his attraction is replaced by a remote in his hand
then the real foundation that we've built our relationship upon will show it's true worth.

To say our marriage is the celebration of a fantastic friendship would
be an massive understatement. We don't share the same interests but we
are interested in what each other likes and wishes to partake in. We
don't hate what each other hates and love what the other loves.
We respect that each other has friends who enjoy our company and
because of that we share a good relationship. We don't own each other
and probably wouldn't want to. We're both good at something that the
other isn't and that's what makes it such a good relationship.

Too many times we see domestic arguments rage between couples about the
stupidest of things. Sure dropping paint on a carpet whilst decorating
the bathroom that the wife asked you to paint on a sunday morning when
you wanted to walk the dog instead could cause a massive argument, but
it can be cleaned easily. Even the car she scrapped on the garage wall
that she can never back into can be repaired quite cheaply. But we must remember that the energy we spend on arguing on mindless issues can be channelized into more constructive topics like career for example. Also saying sorry should not be a big deal in a relationship. In the same way remember to say at least once a day that you love your spouse.

A marriage is a partnership, if you ran a business with a business
colleague you'd make that partnership work, at any cost. You wouldn't set up such an
arrangement with somebody just because you thought they were cute, so
why would you with a marriage? It takes a lot to make your marriage work.....patience, adjustments. compassion, humility, friendship and of course LOVE.


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CassQ said...

How long have you been married? Me I am single but still young. I hope to oneday be married but it seems that nowadays marriages are ending becuase people dont realize how much work it takes, and also that somethings are not worth getting mad over (this however I am still learning due to my temper).

Sumit said...

lol... just when i convinced mum n some other ladies am not marriage material.

but it's a nice take in the institution. some believe in it, some don't... some have grown cynical, some can't wrap their heads around the fact of having a life-partner (dat's me)...
but it certainly does work... all we need to do is observe our parents :) that should be proof enough!!

J P Joshi said...

It sure does ..... only if you want it to!!!! I agree with what you have reasoned .. a nice post.

anamika said...

Marriage is the best thing which has happend to me...and i feel blessed that way :)

enjoyed reading your post :)

Mahul Bhattacharya said...

Great to see such a mature grounded post from someone right after marriage.

My experience says that it doesn't happen very often. Wish u guys all the luck.

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