Tuesday, October 2, 2007


You are touching the dreaded thirty. Your biological clock is ticking away. Now is the time to settle down, get married and have kids. "BECOME A MOTHER". Pray, why? Because that is what each and every woman strives to be to feel complete. How many of you young women out there have heard these ominous words? Most of us, i think.

So the point that everybody is trying to drive home is that the only way I can feel complete as a woman is to have children. Nothing else matters. Whatever hard work that i have put in all these years comes to a naught, just because i do not want to have children. Not today, not tomorrow but never.

I have always maintained that I lack the maternal gene. I do not have the requisite qualities to raise a child, be unconditional and sacrificing. So when I say this, I get these funny looks from everyone including my contemporaries. According to them, there is definitely and obviously something wrong with me physically and psychologically.

There are so many prejudices attached to this particular decision of not having children. There's a tidal wave of pressure in our society to have children and many child free women still experience the basic assumption among parents that if you dont have children, its because you cant have them, not because you dont want them.it is just assumed that every woman on this planet wants to produce a progeny. Gimme a break people!!!!!!!!

Its because of such kinds of assumptions that i realized that i must find immense strength inside myself. I need to state without flinching that i choose not to be a mother and for that i have to find great strength within myself to face this prejudice. And here is what i would like to emphasize. I have a strong sense of confidence and self love to know that i am a worthy person and a complete woman. I choose not to have children but that does not mean i cant love other children. I will find ways to give back what the society has given me without being tied down to a role and a responsibility for which i am not suited.

Sometimes i see women being bullied by their partners or immediate family to go in for motherhood. And the plea/threat is always the same. "If you love me, you will give me the child i want". Well women could just as well ask, "If you love me, why do you want me to bear a child that i dont want". But most often women dont ask. They dont stand up for themselves or for their bodies who would have to go through the trauma of childbirth. I feel that if a woman succumbs to this overpowering ambivalence, she is setting herself up for a very difficult time ahead. Some women may become well-adapted mothers but others may remain unhappy and cause confusion and unhappiness for her child. And if you are doing it for your partner's sake, hello, then its a double whammy, because you could be putting the entire relationship in jeopardy. The two of the lousiest reasons I can think of for having babies are:
1. i did it for him
2. i did it for the sake of marriage.
Hey, woman wake up now!!!!!!!What does "doing it for him" really do for you anyway? Lets be honest: it lets you off the hook. When the kid is too much to handle, the first thing you will say is: "you wanted this child". No kid should ever hear that, and no mother should ever say that. So do not have children for his sake. Have them for "us" sake if you have to.

In today's world women need to choose what will give them satisfaction, peace of mind and happiness. If by bringing in a child into this world can threat all of this, trust me, you are better off without them.. We women have been conditioned from our earliest childhood with the notion that one day we will become mothers. We end up with little voices inside us telling that we arent complete women, our partners wont love us, our parents will be disappointed if we dont have children. But the need of the hour is that if i have made this decision, then i need to quiten these voices and move on. Just ask yourself this: Do i see myself as a person, a mother who would love to have little lives to mould, noses to wipe, nursery rhymes to read? No. He, he, he, darlin, you do not need children.

So, in the end it is my choice, my decision whether i want a child in my life or not. And i decide not to have one, neither to adopt one. I dont know what the future has in store for me, but as of today I believe I am a complete woman in a healthy relationship with career aspirations and goals to achieve and i dont want a child to bog me down at this particular stage of my life.

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