Monday, April 20, 2009


"Shreya, I just met the most amazing guy in art class. His hands are so." and then she sighed and giggled all in one breath, tossing her beautiful curls to one side. It was the college final year. It was spring time. Outside the leaves were falling away from each other, dancing to the ground. For me, it was the beginning of the end or maybe the end of the beginning. How could I have known that Reena's newest heartthrob would be the man my heart had only dreamed of?

Sameer and Reena dated for the rest of the year. Lucky me, I got to be the third wheel, audience to their budding romance. As the year went on, I found myself falling deeper and deeper in love with my best friend's boyfriend. My hands acted often of their own accord, finding some petty excuse to touch him; I lived for those moments. Though in the end, mournful sighs, stolen glances and a heart full of black rain were all I took home at night. Every day was a challenge to keep my secret hidden behind glass walls. Each excruciating night I lived in a fantasy world where my lips knew Sameer's often and well. I felt as though every beat of my traitorous heart was a betrayal of our friendship. Years before, Reena and I had solemnly vowed to never to let a man come between us. What was I doing?
After a graduation filled with such sweet sorrows, Reena and I went to post graduate institutes, not together thank God, but institutes nonetheless. Separated by miles and the cost of a phone call, we talked together every day over our newfound toy, the Internet. Like the leaves on the trees only a year before, Reena slowly transformed before my eyes. Each day she spoke less and less of her upcoming marriage to my love and more of the new flame in her life, Dhruv. I had the privilege of carrying her stolen kisses with me in my soul. In any other situation the right path would have been clear. I would have told Sameer. But if I told him, how could I know if it was for his best interests or mine? My heart, torn between the loyalty to a friend and the honor of my being, ripped my soul to shreds.

Finally it came time for us to return home for the holidays. Diwali was on its way. Familiar music and festivities was apparent all around, even in the airports, as strangers smiled and rushed home to their roots. It should have been a joyous occasion, but my preoccupation with the gravity of her betrayal and mine pulled me into a spiraling inferno. By some magical twist of fate I got back into Calcutta before she did. I was dreadfully looking forward to spending some time alone with Sameer. Without Reena, maybe he would finally see the intensity of my feelings for him. But what if he could see through the lies I carried for her.

It was a crisp winter night when Sammer picked me up for an innocent drive. His words told me he just wanted to say, "hi," but I knew he wanted answers to questions I didn't want to think about. The prayers I sent to heaven that night were chaotic ramblings not easily sorted by the divine. I badly needed to set the record straight, but I was so terrified that he would ask me. How did I get myself into this situation? "Tell me the truth, you know Reena better than most. Has she been cheating on me?" The words I had feared echoed through the darkness. Now there was no hiding from the decision I had been tiptoeing around. "Sameer, you know she wouldn't do that. Don't be silly." My words flew before I could even consider the consequences. Inside I was screaming, "yes! She is cheating on you. Look at me; Look into my eyes. I love you!!"

Almost as if he had heard me he turned and looked into my eyes peering straight into my soul. "I thought you might say that." Sameer shook his head, and for the first time I saw sadness in his usually jovial eyes. His hand lightly grazed across my knee as he reached for the glovebox. My body was on fire and my head whirling. Sameer placed a pile of letters in my lap. "Read these." The pages contained words written for his eyes only, and yet there I was greedily absorbing every word. With each passing syllable, I saw how she had dishonored me and lied to me every step of the way. There had been no aspect of our friendship that hadn't been soiled by her duplicity. My heart exploded, now I would be justified in telling Sameer the truth. There was nothing sacred about Reena; the knife she used was dull, rusty and sticking out of my back. So then why did I still feel bound to her?

"His name is Dhruv, isn't it?"
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Aniket said...


Superb post!! Twisted tale of college romance... I know some people like those characters, but then I guess we all do.

And thats what makes a connection to the story.

Bring on the next part... me eagerly waiting. :P

Pinku said...

awesome good!!!

Akansha Agrawal said...

Amazingly gripping... and awesomely written... Love it! :)

Latin Sardar said...

Wow!! This thing happens everywhere, doesn't it. I mean, I can give you more than one example of similar things happening around me.

Post the next part asap, please.

Grisham Benz said...

hmmm...the story's unfolded really well thus far....'mills n boon' kinda stuff....can be easily adapted to a hindi movie, still wondering how're u gonna conclude it.....btw..i jus' got it (semi)autobiographical??

i am what i am said...

@aniket: as always the first comment. its so lovely to see it as soon as i post thanks a ton. second part is going to come up soon. keep reading.

@pinku: thank you so much. do read the next parts as well. hoping for more comments.

i am what i am said...

@akansha: hey thanks yaar. i'm glad that you liked it so much.

@latin sardar: i know what you're talking about. i got the idead from the same source that you mentioned. i just forgot to thank her. actually this was a long story and i was hesitating to post ot coz people might lose interest if it is long one. so i chanced upon a blog and got the idead. got to thank her right away. and thank you for reminding me. and the next part is coming up soon.

i am what i am said...

@grisham benz: no its not at all autobiographical. and thanks for saying it can be adapted into a hindi movie. whoa!!!! i can think of an alternative career now. thanks. i'm glad you liked it.

Solilo said...

Gunmeen, Awesome! I was hooked from start to end. Now waiting for Part--2.

You are so good at fiction.

Anonymous said...

Whoa! DAMN NICE!!! I can totally identify with the characters in the story... :D

Keep posting :)

btw, don't thank me, the destiny series seems to be not a patch on this one! :)

Sumit said...

nice build up... will look forward to the rest!!

Niti said...

Very beautifully written...each word stands for itself..not an extra word..and ramblings for sure..:)

Loved it

i am what i am said...

@solilo: thank you so much. the second part is coming up very soon. just pruning it up a little bit.

@ki: thanks a lot. i know the characters are all that we have met in our lives. in fact its a true story which i have spiced it a little bit. literary liberties you see. and btw i loved your destiny series. they were really good. you too keep posting and keep reading!!!!

i am what i am said...

@sumit: thank you so much for stopping by my blog and commenting. i'm glad you liked it.

@niti: thanks so was lovely to read your comment. i hope you find the second part as good as the first one.

Illeen said...

well u r am amazing story teller.. superb build up.. :)
shall now move over to part 2 and 3

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