Friday, April 24, 2009


I can still remember the day that Yash took me to the airport so that I could go home for Diwali one more time. Little did I know it was going to be our last happy time together. We had our whole lives to look forward to. Everything was perfect, all smiles on the surface and storms brewing underneath. Yash made plans to shop for a wedding ring the old fashioned way, shopping himself. I made plans to sleep with an old lover of mine. With my bags packed and a hopeful look at the future, we got in the car and headed towards the lights of the city.

Somewhere along the way, I heard a song "Dil dhoondhta hai phir wohi", and for an instant I thought of Sameer. I wondered where he was and if he was happy. For just a moment I said a little "what if" and then let it go, like a butterfly in the spring.

Later that same evening I arrived in Kolkata for a routine Diwali vacation. My mother took me out to dinner and I told her of my plans to marry Yash and live for a while. She took a deep breath and held her tongue. There were so many things she longed to tell me, so many truths she wanted me to see. But how does someone reason with a person who has lost her reason? Somehow we managed to get all of my luggage in the house and calm down a dog who was tripping over his tongue to see me. I had just started unpacking when the doorbell rang. It was late at night and I had no idea who it was. Like a kid ripping the paper off an unexpected Christmas present, I ran to the door opened it, and almost fell into his arms. There was Sameer standing on my doorstep looking down at me. Had it only been two years since I had seen him last? My heart came to life and began to beat in a way I had nearly forgotten. We hugged like old friends often do and regrets began to flood my mind. As soon as they were formed I pushed them away, like I had done so many times before. We sat there in the entry way of my house and talked for a while about the weather and friends we hadn't seen in a while and how life was treating us in general.

"I'm getting a divorce. Suhani left me months ago."
"I'm getting married." I told him. Now where did that come from? A little voice inside my head told me to take it back. But this was the path we had chosen, Yash was the right one for me. He was what I needed, and besides I didn't love Sameer, I never had, had I?

Sameer took a deep breath and looked at me, "Married, huh?" His eyes plummeted to the floor and silence filled the house. "Do you love him?" Once more he looked in my eyes and saw straight to my soul. There was no lying to him. "Oh Yash is a wonderful guy. You should see the way we work together,and he loves me so much. He works for a big corporation and makes good money, so he'll be able to take care of me. And he's so sweet." The words poured out of me and flooded the room, drowning out my true emotions.

When Sameer walked out that night I breathed a sigh of relief as angels above groaned in exasperation. There was no way I was going down that road again. I had Yash in my life and that was all I needed. Things were going to work out just fine. I made false promises, telling Sameer that I would call him so we could talk. For a reason I didn't quite yet understand, I was afraid of him. I had worked so hard to build up a sense of security, and on some level I knew Sameer would disrupt the house of lies I was living in.

The day after Diwali, Sameer called. It's funny how such a little thing would change my life so profoundly. He wanted to see me. Not the next day, or next week, it had to be at that very moment. My eyes closed, I took a breath and walked to the edge of that cliff when I heard myself say yes. We spent all night driving around the city, looking at Diwali lightsand dancing around the unspoken words that were wrestling beneath the surface. Somehow or another we wound up parked by the jetty under the white moon. Each of us waited for the other to speak. The silence finally became so thick I was drowning, I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes and grasped on to a memory of Yash and the laughter we shared. He was the man I was going to marry. Anything that might go on between Sameer and me that night was going to stay in Kolkata, right where it belonged. That was just the way it was going to be, there was no disputing that. I couldn't let my heart rule my life; logic was the path for me. There was no way I was going to jump into the pool of molten emotion that Sameer laid out before me. My mind was made up, the final decision made. And then he said he loved me.

By the time I got home everything that I had based my life upon was yanked out from underneath of me and I found I could fly. My faith, my hopes, my dreams and my love had all been handed back to me on a silver platter wrapped neatly up in three little words. I stood in the entryway of the house where Sameer had come a week before and laughed out loud. This time I heard the angels laugh along side of me. The sun was rising in the east as I slid out back for a forbidden cigarette. I lit up and took a deep drag. Somewhere I heard a bird sing and a voice from the past echoed through my mind. "Shreya, I just met the most amazing guy."

The most amazing guy was finally mine.

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SGD said...

What a sweet end! I was a trifle worried that you would end it with a dash of cynical realism....
Thanks for a feel good, M&B-ish, ending!

Renu said...

This part is very interesting, but I would have loved the girl to go with yash:(

LORENZO said...

Are your enemies swinging in the trees yet? I read that in the profile and cracked up.Like the way things changed in your story,I will look for part iv.
All the best- LL

Aniket said...

Now is this the end???

Coz I don't want it to be...
I kinda feel sorry for Yash. Poor guy... getting caught up in between the emotional turmoil of girl.

I am with Renu on this. :D

PS: I dunno how I missed this post earlier. Must be IPL fever catching onto me. :)

PPS: This has all the ingredients of a masala movie. :)

PPPS: And you didn't read 'Lost in Life' did you now?? *sob sob*

Little Girl Lost said...

hello :) what a lovely ending... (but i had to go back and reader the previous parts because its my first time here)
loved your blog very very much. take care. do visit...

Solilo said...

Love this ending more so the wait was worth after all. :)

It is fiction right? ;)

Pinku said...

nice story....only thing if i had been the girl I wouldnt have agreed to sameer's offer...sleep with him perhaps but definitely not marry..

i am what i am said...

@SGD: thank you so much. i'm glad you liked it.

@Renu: yeah i know. but then everything is fair in love and war isnt it???? shreya is someone who has always always loved sameer only. so it was very easy for shreya to be with sameer when he told her that he too loved her.

i am what i am said...

@Lorenzo: no there is no part IV. this is the end. thank you so much for visiting the blog.

@Aniket:Now how did you want this story to end. i really want to know how you would have ended this? and i did read "Lost in Life". i will leave comments today.

i am what i am said...

@Liitle girl lost: thank you so much for stopping by the blog and reading it. i'm glad you loved it. looking forward to more of your comments.

@Solilo: hi, this is fiction alrite. shreya in some ways is definitely me. but then i have not been as lucky as shreya. my most amazing man never got back to me.

i am what i am said...

@PInku: yeah in one way you're right. but then shreya has only loved sdameer in her life. going for yash was just a compromise she was making. definitely yash got hurt. but looking from shrey's point of view, the person whom she has always loved also loved her, he wanted to be with her. at that time, her joy knew no bounds. like she says the most amazing man was finally hers. how could she let him go now???? so shreya just did what felt right to her. because she could have never loved yash the way she loved sameeer.

Aniket said...

Like I said I kinda feel sorry for Yash. But then again... she would have never loved him with all her heart so I guess this is an apt ending.

That Sameer guy better be faithful though! :-)

Priyanka Agrawalla said...

my first visit to ur blog Gunmeen. very nice post. n blog too!
then why did Sameer date her friend?
n i too feel bad for yash. now he is in the same case as Shreya was.

Beautifully written :)

Anonymous said...

Yay! You ended it on a happy note!!! :)

Illeen said...

One word..beautiful!!
I hope it stays that way and there's no continuation..

Sumit said...

while it wrapped up nicely, n i must say with the jetty u reminded me of outram ghat, i strangely had this feeling there was more to be said like the guy was hers, but wot did she do finally?? maybe its unanswered questions how its supposed to be...

i am what i am said...

@priyanka: thank you so much for stopping by the blog and commenting.

@ki: yeah i had too. you asked me to. didnt you?

@illeen: yeah there is no continuation. this is exactly how i wanted the story to end. thank you so much. so glad you liked it.

i am what i am said...

@sumit: thank you so much. she finally went with the guy she lovedyaar. her life.

Bharath said...

She should have picked Yash..!!! Where was Sameer's love earlier..??? He realized and started thiunking of you only after having a bad expereince with his first marriage....!!! Hope you din't get inspired by "Kuch Kuch Hota ..." movie. But I ahve to say..its a good post.

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